Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 19, 2007, at 9:27:30
In reply to more alternatives to cutting, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 19, 2007, at 9:17:52
Dear LlurpsieNoodle,
It's time that you got serious and figured out what's triggering the self-destructive behavior. Your mood is great, almost ebullient. Your dreams and plans are coming true. You are able to actualize the things that you wish to be.What gives?
The old stuff is coming up bubbling like a tar pit. The secrets are coming out, and you SWORE you'd never tell. Now you must be punished. but wait!!! there's noone to punish you. never mind, you can punish yourself. see- doesn't that feel right?
There is intense emotion. it is not making sense. it seems to be coming from nowhere and everywhere at once. Wishing that you could make sense of it, you try valiantly to categorize it, put it in a container, control it, harness it. No luck. The only alternative is to numb it. Numb is good. Numb is no more pain. Numb is too much xanax and klonopin. Numb is zoning out with a sharp implement and seeing how far you can go before the physical pain becomes more salient than the spiritual pain.
people come to cutting in pain. figure out what that pain is. acknowledge it. live with it. lean into it. resisting it makes the anxiety creep in, insidiously, like some mist or fog that makes rational thought superfluous.
Rational llurpsie doesn't cut. rational llurpsie knows that intact skin is lovely, radient, soft. cut skin is shameful and ugly. scars that have to be hidden while they fade. covered with band-aids and lied about. Is it worth it for that moment of punishment or numbness? of course not! that's where the crazy part comes in. The crazy part that supercedes the one saying: there are better ways of dealing with this.
love,
llurpsie
poster:LlurpsieNoodle
thread:783794
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070916/msgs/783893.html