Posted by B2chica on May 1, 2007, at 7:55:11
In reply to Re: obsessed 'mother' » B2chica, posted by pegasus on April 30, 2007, at 21:06:03
to Phillipa, nope not crossing any lines asking THAT question. yes, there is something mentally wrong with my mother, but i don't think it's an actual mental illness, one you could get medication to help. i think it is a combination of personality disorders mixed up with a little paranoia, persucutory thoughts and delusional thinking. i do think therapy could help her....LOTS of therapy but she would not do it. however, in one scenario i've thought up i will had her a card of a trusted therapist and tell her if she agrees to therapy they she can spend more time with my daughter.
'mother' and i have a poor relationship...if i had it my way she would live at least 2000 miles away. however that's not the case. she was abusive growing up, obsessed with my sexuality from when i was very little, plays mind games, is manipulative and is passive aggressive. she literally 'freaks out' at times. she gets crazed and starts yelling and throwing things. i used to feel HORRIBLY guilty for leaving home (my dad in her wrath) but i had to do what was right for me.
Pegasus,
i have constantly said 'most grandparents only see their grandkids a few times a year, you should feel lucky' apparently, that translated to 'her' speak means, "come over and take over my job as mother cuz you own my daughter anyway...afterall, what's mine is yours".i would LOVE to sit and talk with my mom like a human being but it just doenst workk. i've been doing that, throughout the pregnancy AND now...my words are like air to her. she's Never respected me, or my thoughts. My last therapist said it sounded like she had trouble seeing me as an individual. that i was "her's"...her daughter therefore anything i said was nice but how she interpreted it or thought was what 'really mattered'. I Have sat and talked with her about visitations. but she acted SO lost and 'caring' (should have known that was a fake) that i felt sorry for her so i kept caving and would let her stop by for an hour or so, this was really wearing me out. i told them (mom and dad) over a month ago that visitations would slow this month since i was going back to work, and child starting daycare. that i needed as much time with her (alone) as possible....that just didn't seem to register. ive said it over and over. she doesn;t even seem to listen...or does this ...'oh...ok' (and then does same thing again anyway).
however funny you mention the daycare thing. just this morning when i dropped daughter off i told daycare about issues with my mother and concerns of her 'dropping' in, so they are alerted and will notify me immediately. however telling her this i think will fan the fire. so it is there but i will not mention it. but i do really like this part :
"You seem to feel that you have some right to spend lots of time with her, which is not the case. If your relationship with her is beneficial to all of us, then you will be welcome to spend time with us. But if you contintue to act so irrationally obsessed with her, then I am going to feel the need to protect her and myself from you. OK? I don't expect you to be happy about this or to understand, but I do expect you to honor my wishes."i guess my concern is that she would get violent...honestly yesterday i was so charged from her 'freak out' this weekend that i was close to just calling out a restraining order on her...its abit over the top but i guess i see it as a preemptive strike. i'm calmer today and feel it's not to that stage yet.
and i really don't care what she says about me...she can't say anything that i haven't heard from her already.i just don't understand why my family has to be so d@mn dysfunctional! not for me but for my daughters sake! i can't stand to put her though all this. my 'mother's' a f@#king FREAK!
(sorry-i had to express that)thank you for your advice. i think this will help. (if i can remember the words)
tonight is when she will try to come over. tomorrow i see T. she couldn't fit me in sooner.
THANKS ALL
good to be back, just wish i didn't have to...if you know what i mean.
b2c.
poster:B2chica
thread:754656
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070419/msgs/754859.html