Posted by Racer on October 24, 2006, at 14:53:40
Today is my appointment, and I'm still having trouble with it. I know it's anxiety, I know that's what the treatment is aimed at treating. I also know that it feels as though it's the end of the world.
My husband inadvertantly triggered part of my constellation of fear: I was crying about the potential medications involved, and mentioned that part of my problem was being afraid of weight gain. He had been upset, not knowing how to help me, and as soon as I said that, he got a knowing look on his face, and nodded, "Oh, that's what you're really worried about..." Great. Now it's only my eating disorder that's causing it, we can write it all off, because it's only anorexia speaking.
I'm also worried, because I keep going back to how much I shut down in his office when he mentioned the medication he was leaning towards. I went to a place where I literally could not see more than directly ahead of myself, and I think I even cringed back from him. I remember him as being right up in my face, which I know can't be real. So, I'm worried about my own ability to perceive what's going on around me when I get so anxious.
But the biggest problem is that it feels so much as though this is punishment. I can't explain that one any better than that. It doesn't matter that I agree it's probably the right course to take. It doesn't matter that I know the doctors who prescribe them are really and truly not out to punish their patients. It's just another irrational fear. It's still a problem, though...
Dunno why I'm posting this. I guess it's just a "touch base, don't be alone" sort of thing...
poster:Racer
thread:697372
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061012/msgs/697372.html