Posted by llrrrpp on September 17, 2006, at 19:27:56
In reply to Re: I told my husband **child abuse trigger** » llrrrpp, posted by Daisym on September 17, 2006, at 18:37:59
Hi Daisy,
I think I gave up my "good dad" a long time ago. My dad is no longer my dad. He is someone else. He has had some brain damage that has removed big chunks of his memory. His personality changes completely every now and then. Right now he's in the "grumpy old man" phase. He is contrary to everything. He's mean and cruel, and it's easy for us to see him as bad dad, because we can blame it on his brain damage. I wish he had died. I hope he dies soon. I wish my brother had died back then too. Now he has a lovely family, but I see him as the old guy- only wearing a very durable mask. My husband has seen the mask crack though. My husband is scared for brother's wife and kids. Does she know his monsters? Does she really think that they are under control? I've decided that I may have never loved my dad. I decided that a while ago, I just didn't know why. It hurts-- knowing that a parent has lost the innocent love that children bestow so naturally. That he doesn't even deserve to live, in my opinion, well. I think he's had his tenure on this earth. He's done a lot of good things, even for me. So have many other people, but I don't love my first grade teacher, who taught me to love reading. I don't love my quartet coach, who gave me and three dear friends two years of his teaching and caring. I'm not sure that my dad has really done that much more for me than the gift of anxiety. Maybe I *should* have run away to grandma and grandpas.-ll
poster:llrrrpp
thread:686272
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060911/msgs/686894.html