Posted by wishingstar on September 10, 2006, at 16:12:16
In reply to Re: called a hotline *poss trigger* » wishingstar, posted by Racer on September 10, 2006, at 10:52:45
Well I did it. I'm back here posting so obviously they didnt admit me.
It was so hard. I parked and then stood outside the doors to the ER for a good 5 minutes shaking debating whether or not to go in. I finally walked in and had to tell this cute little mennonite woman (we have a lot of mennonites around here) that I wanted to talk to a psych person. That was hard too. I was shaking the entire time through registration and I'm sure I looked ridiculous.
They put me in a little room back in fast track and made me talk to 1500 people before they called the psych team woman. I guess she had to shower (?) so it took awhile but she came. Asked me a zillion questions. Took a ton of notes. I said I didnt want to be admitted and she said I wasnt going to be. She kept saying how everyone else she sees in the ER is usually so much worse off and how now is the time for me to start taking this seriously and try to get help. When she left and came back a few minutes later she asked if I was okay (I'd been crying) and I just lost it. I NEVER cry in front of people.. and this was more than just a few tears. This was a loud obnious "cant get myself together" cry. I told her I HAVE been taking this seriously. I've exhausted every other option for help. I've taken meds before. I've been in therapy for years. I'm trying. Whatever. Just hit a very sensitive spot I guess. She really wasnt that bad at all.. seemed sweet.. just that part was bad I guess.
So she recommended the partial hospitalization program and I'm startng that tomorrow morning. It's M-F, 9am-3pm. I have to talk to someone tomorrow to see how long I'll be in it for.. she said its usually about a week. They have a psychiatrist there so I can get on meds hopefully tomorrow or Tuesday. I'm not really sure how I feel about it. In a way, very glad. Finally something that will hopefully help. Finally I can get some meds. But in a way, I also feel like I've crossed the line from outpatient therapy (it seems like everyone does that these days) into something more serious. Now I'm really messed up. I'd never say that to anyone else, but for me, it feels true. How did I ever end up here?
I called both Anne and Laurie and left messages telling them. Laurie will be proud of me, I think.
I hope I'm doing the right thing.
I cant tell you all how much I appreciate your support. You are my only support right now. I dont know what I'd do without this site.
I'll let you all know how it goes tomorrow.
poster:wishingstar
thread:684616
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060826/msgs/684759.html