Posted by inimitable on September 9, 2006, at 17:54:39
In reply to Re: my T's match.com profile **poss trig** » inimitable, posted by Racer on September 9, 2006, at 17:28:22
well, my T has told me he just wants me to think about that, my not opening up, to be "aware" of it. when he first (and second) brought it up, i ended up crying and telling him it's not as if i have a button to push that will allow me to let him in, and he said he didn't expect me to, and that he just wants me to be aware of it and stuff. also, with my T, i believe i have been very open with him about everything, even though i do like him and there are things i wouldn't want to tell him cause i like him, but I DO ( such as this situation, i AM going to tell him about it even though i don't want to because it would ruin the non-existant chance that he and i would ever be toegther, cause i know it'll never happen, but if i tell him this, i have the idea that he will think less of me and he knows that I know what he wants in a woman.....it's crazy confusing. but as i was saying, with ANY relationship i've had, i open up to them, all my past bfriends, and soon to be ex husband, and then i find out everything about THEM, and then i think, what i have realized is that i confuse knowing someone INTIMATELY, with having intimacy. you understand me? because i don't think i've connected with anyone really. so me telling my T things, being open with communication, that's what i am used to, in any relationship, telling someone everything about me, but forming no connection. so me and my t's relationship is as deep a relationship as i've ever had.
i wouldn't mind a deeper relationship, with my t or someone else, but i'd be scared. especially if it happened with my t, because i am leaving this he**hole town in december and never coming back, so i'd have t leave him. and also, it wouldn't be the relationship i want to have with him.....it's draining, this whole thing is.
thank you all
*inimitable
poster:inimitable
thread:684507
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060826/msgs/684545.html