Posted by Racer on September 1, 2006, at 1:50:43
In reply to Re: Whoa -- where did that come from? (Part 1 - long), posted by Daisym on September 1, 2006, at 1:09:48
>> I'm sorry for the floods. I could be way out in left field -- OK, I know I usually am -- but my first hit on this was that your therapist didn't step up and protect you. She didn't tell little racer that she didn't have to let anyone touch her, especially someone new, someone you don' trust.
I think that's part of it. I felt as though I was asking NOT to do it, and instead she kinda pushed me in the direction of doing the hard thing, the "grown up" thing. She never said don't do it, or do do it -- just, "that depends on whether you think it's helping you."
She did tell me, though, that she's tried several PTs herself, and now cancels if she can't get the one she likes.
I've also talked myself into hoping I like this fill in better than the one I'm seeing now... In which case, maybe I'll see about switching. The guy whom I'm seeing now does a lot of what I hope is supposed to be good natured teasing. Which doesn't come across that way to me. It just feels dismissive and contemptuous. Although, again, I really don't think he means it that way. But then again -- it's very familiar to me, and I find myself trying so very hard to exceed expectations...
>
> I could have written your Part II post -- asking to get my needs met is the quickest way to a terror-fest for me. I think the reasons are all that you listed, including and especially, "I'm not supposed to have needs."We talked about that today, too. My T keeps saying that I was smart enough, as a kid, to try very hard not to have needs, in order to please my mother. After all, I was so smart, I was supposed to be above needs.
Or something.
And anyway, my mother was narcissistic enough that she would never have met my needs anyway.
>
> I'm glad you feel reconnected though. That is important. I give you permission to cancel tomorrow and if not that, then to cut it short if you need to. I also give you permission to stay and be Ok with the touching. Not all touching is bad, you know? I mean, cats seem to like it...
>
>I guess I'm glad, too. It's so damned painful, though! My head is killing me, from crying so much. I actually got into the crying that she wants me to do, but had to come out of it quickly.
Ugh.
I want this to be OVER!
poster:Racer
thread:681737
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060826/msgs/681964.html