Posted by LadyBug on August 22, 2006, at 22:51:24
In reply to Re: What I'm working on, posted by happyflower on August 22, 2006, at 19:37:38
Well I guess you asked what my husband did so I will give you a piece of it. He is an addict, addicted to pain meds. I had some left from my surgery. I had them locked up in in a safe. You can guess the rest. He broke the lock on my safe last night and got about 15 of them and took them all. I didn't have a count on what I had left and I didn't count them before I flushed the rest. It doesn't matter. The fact is he betrayed me by stealing from me. I should have flushed them after my surgery and I didn't need anymore. I hate pain meds anyway. I have to lock up all my meds cuz he's such an a** he get's into them at times. And I dont even take anything that would do a thing for anyone. I am at the point of leaving no matter where I end up, in the homeless shelter would be better than to spend any more time with him. It brings back everything he's done to me. I wanted to call my T today and tell her because I was really hurting. Since we are working on dependance I decided this is a good place to start. Don't bother her, she can't do a thing for me anyway. She knows everything he's done to me the last 10 years. It's the reason I got into therapy in the first place. I wish like anything that I made enough money to support me and my 2 kids. Should I leave and leave them here? They are 15 and almost 21. They are my life and the reason I'm still alive. I would have taken my own life many times if it weren't for them. They are my reason to live. Why should I let someone cause me to be so hateful and unhappy. I had 2 of my co-workers today tell me they loved me. That touched my heart.
I go see my T again on Thurs. or at least I have an appointment. Should I go? Or should I save the money and try to get my own place? I'd like to leave this weekend. I've gone through this so many times in the 22 years we've been married. If my daugher was in this situation I'd help her leave and find a place. I'd help her with money or whatever she needed to be safe. I'd want her to be happy. This is what I want too.
Should I call my T? Nah, I think it can wait. It's not easy admiting to having such an a** for a husband. It makes me feel bad about myself, another issue I'm working on. Why should I let his choices make me feel like I'm crap? I'll never learn, but I need to take some serious action in order to survive. I hate my spouse more than anything on this earth right now. I can't affored to go to my T. to complain and cry. I need to do the work so I can get stronger and get the heck out of here.
SadLadyBug
poster:LadyBug
thread:679097
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060808/msgs/679199.html