Posted by caraher on August 15, 2006, at 19:23:41
In reply to Not so low :-) but with questions, posted by ElaineM on August 15, 2006, at 17:07:53
> Does anyone else find it weird when T's redecorate?
It's always disorienting, it just throws some people more than others. I've discussed this with my T when she's made changes. The funniest part of this was when she'd made changes she added a lamp in the waiting room. I noticed it wasn't assembled properly so while I waited I took it apart and put it back together correctly. Then I felt I had to explain what was wrong at the start of the session...
>
> He gave me a letter he wrote about how I make him find our meetings confusing. He said that while I'm helping him make changes in the way he acts and does therapy (which he told me he thinks is for the better), he said that I have done nothing to seem as friendly as him. And so he is confused about if I'm worth "the effort".That's just awful. You're under no obligation, either as a client or a friend, to act according to his notion of "friendliness." Similarly, he shouldn't dump on you his doubts about whether *he* is getting what he wants from you, particularly if he insists on continuing to be your therapist. Even from a "friend" this would be a bit much...
>So he said I need to work on spending time with him outside of the office environment so that he will be able to see me more as a friend.
Spending time with a therapist is NOT something a T should ask you to "work on." A T might ask you to work on things outside the office and may even participate in those things, but always with the goal of helping you face some fear or learn some skill. Making him more able to view you in some certain way doesn't fall into such a category!
> as I was watching him weep I had the overwhelming urge to reach over and kiss him on his head -- like you'd kiss a little one.
Addressing only that urge... it's very natural on your part and completely innocent.I do have to wonder whether he is *trying* to elicit such a response. Whether your T thinks he needs a mother, lover or a friend, it's simply wrong for him to use your therapy sessions to manipulate you into any of those roles!
> But now I keep remembering that I was almost the one to push our level of contact further. ME?! I feel like I should be afraid of myself now, not him? What's wrong with me?
>
Nothing! What's wrong with *him*?> THis is going to sound so terribly disgusting. But, if he cries very many more times I think I'll initiate "other stuff"
The fact that you're thinking this way is proof of how inappropriate your T's behavior is!
You really do need to make a choice. If you're going to do any real therapy with him, he must put a stop to the demands he's placing on you to be there for him. If you cannot ask him to do that, you may choose either to continue a friendship (in which I'd imagine would continue to be manipulative, or at least place heavy emotional demands on you) or not -- but either way, with someone else as your therapist.
> Ewwww, I'm so so gross.
>
(((Elaine))) Not at all... you're ill, not getting all the help you deserve, being asked by your T to carry unreasonable emotional burdens and all of that is colliding with your empathetic nature.> I hope I didn't poison you with all the pain I've had lately. I'm sorry.
Fear not, you didn't. And especially don't apologize... we just hope we can help you out. You're a good friend to people here and we care about you, so keep us up to date when you can!
poster:caraher
thread:676776
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060808/msgs/676828.html