Posted by Tamar on August 14, 2006, at 12:26:10
In reply to Have a question about ethics reporting, posted by happyflower on August 14, 2006, at 10:33:49
I think it’s a very good thing that you’re thinking seriously about having an affair.
I’m not saying I think it would be good if you actually had an affair. I don’t know whether it would be good or bad to do it. But I do think it’s a good thing to *think* about, because clearly you’ve reached a point where you want to do something to change the way things are.
It seems to me as if an affair is almost a way of escaping from your marriage without leaving it. But maybe I’m projecting. Or maybe there’s a little part of you that wants to hurt him as much as he has hurt you? That would be pretty natural.
I can imagine that getting your sexual needs met in a relationship with your allergist would make you feel a lot better in many ways. I suppose I wonder though whether a purely physical relationship would address your needs for comfort and security and love. Is there somewhere you can find those other things?
When I think about your relationship with your husband, it seems from what you’ve said as if it’s not just the sex you’re missing. He was a very important source of security for you for many years. And I imagine you feel as if he’s abandoned you not just sexually but emotionally too. Do you ever talk to him about that aspect of the relationship? I know you’re angry about the infidelity aspect of things, but there seems to be so much more going on in your marriage than the lack of sex… I wonder what he’d say if you told him you missed feeling close to him and protected by him.
Please just tell me to mind my own business if I’m talking sh*t.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:676322
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060808/msgs/676358.html