Posted by LadyBug on August 10, 2006, at 20:36:57
I just home from a really intense session with my T. I'm still trying to process it. I'm not even sure I can write about it just yet. I made a complete idiot of myself in the past 24 hours and I can't even figure out why for sure. I called her late last night and left her a message that I wouldn't be coming to my appointment today, but about 8 hours earlier I called and told her I would be coming?? She thought it was because of me not feeling well due to the 2 surgeries I've had in the last 3 weeks. It had nothing to do with my physical self. It was all my emotions. I left her a message telling her I was feeling hurt and that maybe I needed a break for a few weeks. She obviously didn't even have a clue what I was talking about!! Then this afternoon I decided to go to her office, call and leave a message telling her I was in the parking lot if she wanted to talk to me. (It was my appointment time by now.) By now I'm digging myself in deeper and deeper looking like an idiot. She called, said, "Come on in", so I did.
I sat down and she said I'm annoyed and I'm not sure I have the capacity to talk about this tonight. I looked down at the couch I was sitting on, took a hold of my keys and wanted to bolt out of there. Instead I started getting teary and decided to wait and try to figure it out!
I won't even go into any detail about the issue, I don't even have the patience right now.
We did try to understand each other. I'm the nut. When I left I said, I'm a dumb sh*t. I meant it! I sat there and tried to figure out a way to not make things any worse but I did make them worse??? I know I'm not really my real self, I'm still recovering from both my surgeries. She knows that. I guess I will be doing a lot of journal writing this coming week. Trying to figure out what the heck I was thinking when I called and told her I wasn't coming and trying to blame it on her for not leaving me a message telling me she had gotten my message. Then I end up in her parking lot telling her I needed to see her??? I'm in shock over my actions.
She must be shaking her head right now???
I don't expect a single reply cuz I'm just totally nuts right now. Ever feel that way????????
Yuck!
LadyBug
poster:LadyBug
thread:675515
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060808/msgs/675515.html