Posted by jammerlich on July 12, 2006, at 1:32:09
I do it religiously (gotta stay on the lookout for new info, you know) and now I think I really regret it.
In case anyone doesn't know, I recently found out for certain that my husband is gay. And I went back to the T who termintated me because I wouldn't take AD's. I'll be moving into an apartment soon, but currently we are still living in the same house. Remarkably we are getting along better than we have in years, yet it is still some of the deepest pain I have ever known. We both know I need to go and that we will divorce; but the very idea of it brings us to tears.
Several weeks ago my T told me about a local support group for gay people and their friends and family. My husband went tonight. He was going to report back so I'd have an idea whether or not I'd feel comfortable attending next month. He told me a little about the people there and mentioned that there was a guy who'd recently graduated from high school and would be attending a certain out of state university; but, he couldn't remember his name.
Alarm sirens were going off in my head because, from my googling, I know my T's son will be attending the very same school this fall. I gave my husband a first name and asked if it sounded familiar. He said that was it and asked how I knew. I told him I thought it could be my T's son. Then I could tell the lightbulb went off in his head. He said he remembered that the guy signed the email list right before him and he did, indeed, have the same last name as my T.
Here I sit, with T in less than 12 hours, wishing I did not know what I know. Well, actually, I think I'm glad to know because it gives me this sense of connection with her. I just wish I'd found out some other way. I'd like to talk to her about it. I have so many questions. But to tell her the truth about how I know would mean revealing my google habits and, frankly, I'm terrified of being terminated again, this time because I know something I'm not supposed to know.
I really wish she'd told me. I think I'd have spent a LOT less time feeling so uncomfortable with the subject matter. Why does it make such a difference to have something in common?
And what in the world do I do later at my appointment???
poster:jammerlich
thread:666260
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060703/msgs/666260.html