Posted by frida on April 27, 2006, at 23:50:16
Hi..
I just felt the impulse to share something hopeful about T...
I've been in T for some years now with my therapist. I am struggling really hard to finally break the silence about my childhood sexual abuse and talk and have struggled so much to try to do that, and find words and still haven't been able to do so. It's been very hard and difficult both for me and for my T who has tried so much to help me trust and tell her. After years of trying, I am finally starting to tell, even though I can't say the words and I struggle with a part of me that doesn't let me talk and makes it so hard. My T is really aware now of all this and that is relieving to me. She knows how hard I am trying, and how complex this is - and she's been very reassuring lately,telling me over and over what the little girl in me needs to hear to take the risk..and she has made me feel that she truly cares about me.
Something she offered today truly touched my heart.
I've been trying to tell and I arrive there as a little girl, unable to tell but not being able to hide it either...
I can't stand being in my body, I go there and try to disappear and my T said that there is so much fear in my body that she thinks I should work on that, and she wants me to see someone she knows and trust to do some "physical"work/therapy. At first I felt scared and rejected, like she was sending me off to someone else. But she explained she wants this to be a complement to our work together and a help to it because meds haven't helped at all and there is so much fear in me that she thinks it could do me good , and help our work together too. She said it's a person she fully trusts. And this is what she offered that truly touched my heart.
I already pay her less, because I am in a tight situation finantially. Well she said that she knew I can't afford it, and that she thinks I could benefit from this, and she'd like me to try, for a while, to see if it can help me open up to her and talk without the shame and fear,and that she is willing to accept that I pay her half of what I pay her at the moment, so I can afford this.
I felt really moved by this and told her I couldn't accept that..
and she told me that for her it is so important that I get out of this pain I'm in. And that she thinks we need to do this and she wants us to try.This has made me feel more trust in her.
I feel she really doesn't have to do this...I am a tough patient for her, I already was paying her less and now she's offering this...and is so willing to work on this with me.I wanted to share this, it made me feel hopeful, and it made me feel that some T's truly care...
I feel fortunate to have found my T...I wanted to share this,
Thank you
Frida
poster:frida
thread:637691
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060422/msgs/637691.html