Posted by gardenergirl on April 22, 2006, at 20:47:53
In reply to Re: Okay, this is me being a smart butt » joslynn, posted by happyflower on April 21, 2006, at 20:39:20
Hi happyflower,
Especially after reading the link joslynn posted, I do think that your T is sending you mixed messages. He may not be aware of it. But what the article said about feeling like a client is "special" or that you feel more friendly to, that you have more in common with, that you might be friends with in another siutation...all those things are red flags. It's up to the T to observe that it's going on with them and to manage the therapy relationship and their own feelings appropriately. So I guess I'm saying that he might be totally unaware of this aspect of his behavior towards you and how you are perceiving it. And of course the stock suggestion....talk to him about it! :)
I can tell you it's an easy thing to fall into, innocently or not. I had a client once who was similar to me in age, in education, in sense of humor, political beliefs, etc. This was someone with whom I could see myself being friends with if we had met under different circumstances. There were times in the therapy when I noticed I was more casual with this client than with others. I probably self-disclosed stuff (pretty innocuous, but still...) more often and not as a therapeutic tool but more like friends would. We occasionally talked about stuff unrelated to therapy during parts of the sessions... All things that are unlike my usual style.
So, while I was unaware of any sexual or romantic feelings which might have been present, just the treating the person differently and more casually could have (and for all I know might have) led to the client feeling confused about what to expect in therapy and the therapy relationship. Or about how I might have felt.
I feel like I'm rambling about this some. It's been awhile since I was at that particular setting, and I've had some distance from it. I know I'd do things differently knowing what I know now. I wonder if I could have been more helpful or more therapeutic for the client if I had noticed this right away and not let the casual conversations invade the therapy space so much.
I think it's important for T's to "check" themselves periodically. The warning signs and questions to ask yourself in the link joslynn posted are a good way to do that, I think. Hmm, maybe you could ask your T some of those questions? (eek!)
I feel for you, with the complex feelings and stuff going on with your therapy relationship. While I believe that there can be value to the client in working out this kind of thing, too, it's still stressful and confusing. It can feel like it takes over from whatever the "presenting problem" is, too.
Okay, I'm going to be quiet now.
Take care,
gg
Oh, and I'm so impressed with your exercise diligence and training for a run. Good for you!
poster:gardenergirl
thread:635228
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060422/msgs/635982.html