Posted by Emily Elizabeth on December 20, 2005, at 23:36:13
In reply to hospitalization for major depression, posted by underthecs on December 20, 2005, at 21:10:51
It sounds like you are going through a lot and I'm glad that you posted. I hope that babblers have something helpful to share w/ you.
One thing that occurs to me is that you should make sure that your T knows all of the concerns that you mentioned in your post. I know that I sometime feel hesistant to describe how bad things really are and so my T and my pdoc assume that they are better than they really are. If it is hard for you to say, then you could even just print it out.
I also experience a lot of suicidal ideation as part of my depression. I become very afraid to share it w/ my T and pdoc. I think I am just embarassed. However, I also must say that the times that I have summoned up the courage to tell them what is going on have been very powerful and very healing. Actually, in order to talk abt it w/ my T I need to close my eyes and sometimes cover my face with my hands. It has been a relief that my T understands it as a sign of my pain rather than saying "Ahhh! You are CRAZY!!"
Also, recently, something big and stressful in my life was coming up. My pdoc was running through the depression questions and asked abt suicide. I told her that I wasn't currently thinking abt it, but it would help me if she could ask me again in 2 weeks b/c I was worried abt how I might be doing then and i knew it would be hard to bring it up. She was very understanding and agreed. That helped me feel really safe.
I also was able to share about the suicidal ideation with a friend and she was so supportive about it. She said that if I ever felt that way, I should call her or come over b/c I shouldn't have to feel that way alone. I was so touched. I just didn't expect that response. It helps me to remind myself that there are people who do care about me very much (even if I feel all alone) and that these people would want to help me in any way possible to prevent me from harming myself.
I don't know if that helps at all. Suicidal ideation has been a difficult part of my major depression as well. I just want you to know that there are others out there struggling with similar issues.
Best,
EE
poster:Emily Elizabeth
thread:590831
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051216/msgs/590894.html