Posted by Tamar on December 2, 2005, at 3:56:27
In reply to back from docs, and more about therapy, posted by happyflower on December 1, 2005, at 17:12:19
Hi Happyflower,
> Oh, I remember more of therapy moments. I also talked about on how everybody is a *sshole and people just suck. LOL I said I bet he is even one, and he said he has been before, but most people think he is a pretty nice guy. (except for the people who thinks he is a *sshole) We talked about Mother Theresa and the Pope. LOL
I guess most people can be *ssholes from time to time... I reckon people are more likely to be nice to me if I’m nice to them, but it doesn’t always work. I reckon real *ssholes spend their lives feeling miserable, hard-done-by, and disempowered. That’s why they behave so badly whenever they get the chance to exercise a little power over other people. When they’re not infuriating us we should probably feel sorry for them. Well, that’s my theory for the day.
> So I talked about everything other than the pink elephant with poka dots in the room wearing panties! LOL Sorry I couldn't resist.
Tee hee. There will be time to talk about the undressed elephant another time, perhaps when you’re not feeling quite so down.
> Then we talked about having affairs. He said married people should have affairs with married people and single people should have them with single people. When both are married, neither want to get caught and both are just as busy with their families on holidays. He was just kidding but he does have a point.
I think he’s right. Married people should never have affairs with single people. It’s the path of disaster. But I also reckon that having an affair when you’re in an unhappy marriage is probably not the best idea either. Yes, you could stay together for the sake of the kids, and find a relationship elsewhere, but what if you fall in love with the new guy and want to leave your husband for him? Then it’s even more complicated. The only way I reckon it could work would be if you found a friend to satisfy your sexual needs: someone you definitely won’t fall in love with. But I still think it has to be a married friend and not a single one, and someone who is in a similar situation to yours. And if anyone else found out they probably wouldn’t understand. It's not an ideal solution, is it? But then, I'm not sure an ideal solutions exists...
> We also talked about I bought a box of condoms and put it in my DH's suitcase before he left for his trip overseas. Now I guess I was being passive aggressive, but I got my point accross since he does have a vacectomy.Did he say anything about it?
> Then my T was surprised that I pack my DH suitcase for him. I have always done this. He says his wife wouldn't pack his suitcase, how would she know how many pairs of underware he would need. (oh, boy, underware again, but he said it not me) Well duh! LOL One for everyday and a couple pairs for just in case. LOL
My mother always packs for my father. I reckon *he* wouldn’t know how many pairs of underwear he’d need! But I don’t think I’ve ever packed for my husband except for a surprise trip I planned once…
> Well I thought it was interesting that he noticed I wasn't there this morning. LOL What did he miss me or something? HeeHee!
I’m sure he looks out for you when he goes… he’s used to seeing you. Of course he’d notice if you weren’t there!
> Do your T's ever pressure you to do things? My T is really is kinda pressuring me to give my DH ultimatiums in my marriage at the begining of the year. I just don't know if I am up to it, and I am not ready to do it either. I told him today that I didn't really want to. Of course he wanted to know why. Well he said how can you be any more miserable than you are.No, my therapist would make suggestions and if I didn’t take them he didn’t push it. If he suggested anything more than once I knew he really thought I should do it. So I tried to take that stuff seriously.
I think the trouble with an ultimatum is that you have to follow through on the threat. I suspect your therapist imagines your husband will respond to an ultimatum by straightening himself out, but of course you have to consider the possibility that your husband will not respond the way you want. So you do have to be emotionally ready to carry out whatever action you have said you will take.
I was thinking… did you say once that your husband is quite a bit older than you? Is there any chance that his behaviour could be related to physical issues like erectile dysfunction or prostate problems? I have heard of men becoming sexually and emotionally withdrawn because they can’t face dealing with it. But I’m sure you’ve thought of this already…
How was your new medication? I hope you had a good night’s sleep!
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:584226
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051130/msgs/584436.html