Posted by Susan47 on October 27, 2005, at 21:46:04
In reply to FINALLY! Rethinking Prohibition on Touch in Psych, posted by allisonross on October 27, 2005, at 10:46:59
My last male therapist, Ally you have no idea or maybe you do, I don't know, but I've always wondered if I was ugly or gross, and suspect I am. He used to cut circles, swathes, around me. From the very first the way he showed appreciation was in his eyes. But that was all. It was so confusing for me. Becauwe his eyes weren't always giving emotional sustenance, you know? They were giving out a lot of sexual messages. I don't know if he knows that about himself. I believe, I mean, I've seen the way he behaves with other women, and it's all the same. He's the same with all of us. Treats us like we're too good or too bad to touch, yet his body language can be really.. I don't know. Flirtatious, conniving? I see a lot of actor in him. Really and truly, And he made these wide swathes around me, like I was poison. And it sure as hell didn't take long for me to feel second-class, like I was good enough to tease but not take any farther. And then the bastard gave me the come-hither go-thither routine, like, "Oh, I work in and out of my office, you know, I'm not always here, I do sessions at people's homes ..." and I'm like, I know I didn't hear that right, and if I did then I know it was completely innocent but then the guy stares directly at these tiny little titties I had back then ...
my God, I loved him so much because I saw what I wanted to see, which might have been him but the facts say it just couldn't have been.
I loved him so Much.
I still do, and I think I'm not very good in the love department, you know, because I keep f*cking it up. Over and over and over again, and I don't believe I care if I ever get it right anymore.
poster:Susan47
thread:572378
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051025/msgs/572556.html