Posted by cricket on October 27, 2005, at 14:47:23
In reply to Re: Thanks to everyone » cricket, posted by Tamar on October 27, 2005, at 4:41:14
Tamar,
You are always so helpful and I feel like I haven't ever helped you with your issues. I might have to stick around Babble just to do that :-)
But I really think in the circumstances an apology was in order.
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Yeah, I kept on waiting for it but I think his physical reaction was so much an "omigosh I've blundered" reaction that he didn't want to draw more attention to it as a mistake.> It sounds as if he had no idea that you would be so upset at what he said, and he spent most of the session trying to explain himself to you.
Did he ask you at all what you were thinking and feeling about it?Exactly. It was non-stop talk from him. It felt like he barely took a breath. I didn't have much chance to say anything at all. If it hadn't been such a despairing couple of weeks I might have even thought it was cute.
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> I admit I don’t know much about parts. And perhaps it’s interesting to hear him say what he thinks has been going on with your parts. Do you think he’s right? Do you think it’s relevant? I think what he’s saying makes some sense: he tried to protect one part, but then she wouldn’t let another part speak and when that part did get to speak she had problems with your T’s authority (not surprisingly, if he’s protecting a part that silences her)… Maybe I didn’t understand correctly… But I guess my question is: what’s he going to do for the tough one? Because she needs a lot of patience and understanding and she really needs to be heard, and maybe she’s less easy to get along with than the little girl who needs him. And I’m not sure he understands at all where the tough one is coming from, so maybe he just needs to shut up and listen to her and not try too hard to interpret. I don’t think he’ll understand how sensitive she is unless he spends some time just listening. Right now, on the basis of what you’ve been posting recently, that would be my question to him. How is he going to help with the tough part? (If I’m talking complete rubbish, please either ignore me or put me right.)
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No, you have it right. I guess I had this To Sir with Love fantasy that he would get her to trust him and then begin to expect more of her and she would grow and change.> I’m glad you agreed because even if you decide you don’t want to continue therapy with him, it’s probably a decision best made over the course of a little time.
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Yes, just taking it one day at a time right now. Today is okay. Yesterday was okay too. Tomorrow I don't know.> I’m usually very optimistic that people can work things out with their therapists. And I do think you can work through this with yours, even though it will be very painful. My real concern, though, is that you’ve been working very hard recently to get through session after session of crossed wires or misunderstandings or hurtful remarks. And you can’t go on like that for months. But I don’t know whether you can plan for a couple of light and easy sessions…
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> My other concern is my sense (based of course only on a few posts you’ve made and on no significant knowledge of the situation) that although he wants very much to help you, he’s either not feeling confident enough of his skills, or he’s making mistakes for other reasons.
>Yes, and I am afraid that we could both wind up more and more miserable every week. Sometimes I think maybe we could break through if I could be absolutely completely honest with him about both the good and the bad (I think of the way Dinah is with her therapist) and he in turn would be more authentic with me and I think that authenticity would lead to less blunders on his part. His blunders seem to come from relying too much on theory and not enough on knowledge of me and what is happening with me at that moment. I give him too little to go on so he winds up feeling de-skilled and incompetent and then he gets defensive and miscommunication happens. Then I withdraw and give him even less to go on and things get worse and worse. Does any of that make sense?
I think if I wanted to stay in therapy I would try to hash it out with him some more rather than go to someone new but I think I just want to be done with therapy for now.
> Well, you’ve agreed to think about it for a week. And I really think that’s a good thing. How are you going to decide? Will you sit down and make a list of reasons to stay and reasons to go? Will you think about how each of your parts will respond to your leaving therapy? Will you just go with your gut?
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I wish I could be that rational. If I could just think about it, I am sure I could hold all the conflicting thoughts in my mind and come up with the right decision but all I can really do is feel and once an emotion takes hold it's hard to do anything but go with that emotion. So if one is feeling like she will die without him that's how I feel and if another one feels like he's like every authority figure and expects the worst from her that's how I feel. There are others that are more neutral and some that are skeptical but could probably be won over to tolerate therapy at least. But it really comes down to a battle between these 2 girls.> I can imagine the relief of the idea that it’s over. It’s been very hard. I hope the deciding part goes as well as can be expected.
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I hope so too. Right now it's okay but perhaps when it gets closer to the next time I am supposed to show up the battle will start again.>
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poster:cricket
thread:572077
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051025/msgs/572430.html