Posted by fallsfall on April 26, 2005, at 8:29:17
In reply to Re: Why have I become triggery lately? » fallsfall, posted by partlycloudy on April 26, 2005, at 4:39:34
This is the practice phase, and it won't feel right. But until you have done it and seen that it works out OK, it won't feel right. So there HAS to be that learning time in the middle when you are doing things that feel un-you.
When I was doing CBT, we would work on ADLs. I had a chart and I would record when I took my dogs for a walk, and when I vacuumed my house etc. The chart motivated me to do things that I didn't really "want" to do - because I knew that it would be good for me. But, even though it got me moving (somewhat), I was still just trying to please someone (in this case my therapist). I wasn't doing any of those things because *I* believed in them.
It wasn't until I switched therapists that I started to understand the real dynamics. I wasn't doing all those ADL things because if I did then I would have to stop being depressed and join the world. I am still afraid to be part of the real world. But the trick is to work on why that scares me - not why I don't vacuum my house. When we address why it scares me, then I naturally want to vacuum my house. Instead of forcing though a tiny hold in an obstacle, we remove the obstacle.
So you can "make" yourself be more assertive, but if you can understand why you *don't want* to be more assertive, then you can address that reason - and you won't have to *force* yourself to be assertive. You will no longer have a reason *not* to be assertive. It is really hard to get to those protected, buried reasons. But life is a lot easier if you can get them out of the way.
Good luck, PC.
poster:fallsfall
thread:489172
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050420/msgs/489709.html