Posted by pinkeye on April 25, 2005, at 15:12:50
I realized yesterday that lot of the hurt that I had with my ex T was because of totally mismatched expectations.
I was reading this board from the beginning - about 2 and half years now and was expecting a more western style of therapy - talking about childhood, and working through my emotional issues, understanding what causes me to feel the way I do etc. I had a huge transference and I was hoping to work through it with the help of my ex T, and was expecting him to reply more like Daisy's therapist.
He was in India, and in India they don't do this kind of therapy. He was mostly CBT - short term - specific issue related therapy like short term marital issues, alcoholism etc. And actually he went beyond that to help me in my role.. and did a very good job at it. But I kept expecting responses like how they do therapy in the US - allowing the patient to fully bond, and talk about childhood and talk about transference and how it relates to my father and mother etc.. And I kept banging banging banging my ex T to give me this kind of response and hoping he would shed more light into why I was feeling all the things.. And they don't teach all these things in India. Plus I was communicating through email and it was not the right medium for doing this kind of extensive therapy I needed or was expecting..
I think that is why it led to lot of hurt for me.. I felt very misunderstood, and thought my therapist didn't like me, when he wouldn't reply to my emails.. when in fact it is just not a model he was expecting to work with. In all likelihood he must have thought I am just trying to hang on to him, when I really didn't have any issue to work with. And according to Indian terms, I was completely fine.. they don't treat all these emotional growing up and stuff. They treat only to the point where you are able to control your actions.. they don't go beyond that and try to change the way you feel. But I was trying and hoping to change the way I feel and how I was operating fundamentally.
I wish I understood this long back.
poster:pinkeye
thread:489317
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050420/msgs/489317.html