Posted by crazymaisie on April 22, 2005, at 16:46:43
In reply to Re: physical holding, posted by LadyBug on April 22, 2005, at 14:18:56
thanks to everyone for responding so honestly. some of you were worried about being 'too harsh'. but i really wanted some honest outside feedback, so i appreciate that wholeheartedly.
some responses to your questions:
from messadivoce:Are you afraid that if you bring it up, she will stop holding you?
Do you ever feel like the physical holding is something you do to fulfill her own needs?thanks for writing
yes, i certainly feel constrained about bringing up any sexual feelings i have for fear that she might think she is doing something unethical and then stop holding me. but i don't feel there is anything sexual in the holding so i think if she were to stop on that account it would make me feel like those feelings were wrong in some way. i'm actually reasonably comfortable with them so i'd hate to have that happen.also, i know she likes to hold me and i know she gets something out of it too. so, yeah, in some ways i do it to make both of us feel good. i'm confused about that a little. i know i have withheld holding as a punishment to her - that sounds callous, but i realised afterward that that was why i had refused to be held. i'll have to think some more about that one...
from tamar:
I think it's less likely to end in tears if you talk to your T about it. Can you do that?thanks to you, too, for responding. i'm not sure i can talk about it too much. she does ask me what it means to me but it's difficult to put words to the feelings. maybe i'm starting to be ready for it, but i'm kind of afraid to do anything which might bring on a change. i'm sure i shouldn't worry about that and that it's more important to be open, but i'm sure you all know how tricky these things can be in therapy
from annierose:
But I sense your inner gut is telling you that something is amiss.thanks for responding. hmmmm. i wonder. i like it, i like being held. but i am a fully grown woman and it does feel a little strange to me that i should yearn for something like this. another one to give some more thought to.
from sunny10:
Perhaps it is that you need to have that inner child taught that it is
important to hold and be held.i think this is where my t is coming from. this is also probably where i'm coming from. like you i grew up in a household where affection was rare and uncomfortable. i have two kids and i love being affectionate with them. i just wonder if it's too much sometimes.
from shrinkingviolet:
Has your T ever told you why she holds you?
Has she asked you, or just does it?
Who initiates it? Is it every session?
Does she do it with other clients?
What would you do/feel if she suddenly stopped doing it?hi sv, nice to see you posting again. thanks for your reply.
we haven't had an in depth discussion about it, but i think it's the inner child scenario i talked about above which is her motivation. either one of us might initiate it and it happens almost every session. she has told me that she doesn't do it with others, although this was a fraught and difficult conversation. i mean, i should be okay with it if she held other clients, shouldn't i? but you know, i so wouldn't!
i fear the day that she says 'ok, that's enough holding now, back to sitting on seperate chairs'. and therein lies the problem, i suspect.
from pinkeye:
This seems little too intimate -
and I am thinking how you will take it when it is time to leave her and go..
You will be probably very hurt and confused.thanks for posting, pinkeye. yeah, it is very intimate. that can be so nice and feels so good, but as i said above, i dread the day when it ends. i think pretty much everyone pointed out that i should talk more with her about it. i'll try to.
thanks to all for your responses. i know there are people i haven't responded to directly, but i appreciate all the input. and would welcome more...maisie
poster:crazymaisie
thread:487743
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050420/msgs/488025.html