Posted by LG04 on February 18, 2005, at 3:14:56
In reply to Re: very confused about my T session today-lost » Aphrodite, posted by Frida on February 17, 2005, at 15:35:56
hi frida,
your feelings are so understandable. i am sure your therapist will understand too. she sounds wonderful. i am certain she didn't mean to make you feel unsafe. it seems that she just wanted you to know that whatever you feel is okay. i think you can tell her exactly what you have been writing here and you will feel so much better.i understand exactly what you mean about being scared that she will feel she needs to be careful with you regarding hugging and maybe in the future holding you. i had the exact same fears just a few weeks ago. i told my therapist that i am jealous of the sexual relationship she has with her husband. i am not attracted to her sexually and i am not in love with her though i love her dearly. my jealousy stems from some very complicated, very young feelings as a result of being sexually abused by my father.
one of the first things i said to her after telling her this was, "did anything i say make you feel uncomfortable? does this mean we won't be able to hug anymore or cuddle?" (like you, for a long time i had wanted her to hold me and one time i just said, "can i come over and sit on your chair next to you?" and she said sure and so i sat with her with her arms around me and i just loved it. she asked me if it was confusing for me and i said not at all, that it just felt really good and safe. we didn't do it every session, just whenever i felt like it. i started to call it "cuddling" b/c basically that's what i was doing, cuddlng with her.)
anyway, when i asked her, she said "of course not. this has nothing to do with our relationship. this is about what happened to you in the past and you transferring the feelings to me." i was SO SO relieved that she understood that and that she wouldn't feel uncomfortable with me either physically or emotionally. i asked her again the next time we spoke and she completely reassured me.
so maybe this will be reassuring and/or comforting to you. good therapists are well trained in these areas. and also, you are going to explain to her that you are not at all IN love with her so there is absolutely no reason whatsoever for her to feel uncomfortable hugging you. it sounds like an important part of your relationship with her and i'm sure she knows that, or perhaps you can tell her. maybe this will even create an opening for you to ask her about holding you, of your longing for it and checking whether that's a boundary for her or not. it took me a long time but i have found that if i just ask my therapist whatever it is that i want to ask her (or need reassurance about), it's so much better than wondering and trying to read her mind. usually her answer is much better than the one i've made up in my head.
do you ever call her in between sessions? maybe you could call her to talk about it if it feels too long to wait until your next session.
good luck and write back about what happened.
LG04
poster:LG04
thread:459270
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050211/msgs/459736.html