Posted by Dinah on February 17, 2005, at 21:46:59
In reply to Sense of Self Redux, posted by mair on February 17, 2005, at 17:04:05
> ... or to avoid that, she'll use the session to talk about harmless "filler" material. I think those sessions are frustratingly pointless.
Ooooh Mair! That's just what final sessions before an impenetrable separation should be. You don't want to risk a crisis right before you'll be unable to see her.
Which doesn't mean that it has to be pointless or filler. I call them bonding sessions, but that doesn't mean that we do nothing but share stories of childhood vacations, tho truthfully I adore those. Sometimes we approach issues, but we do it a bit differently. He doesn't push, or "challenge". It's all lighter, maybe teasing. But sometimes issues get addressed quite nicely that way too.
I know teasing doesn't come easier to you than it does to me (I probably have an advantage in a young child there). But shyly bringing up the topic that you may be not revealing the unloveliest parts of yourself (in your eyes) because you don't want her to see you as unlovely doesn't have to be all heavy and serious. It can be a wry acknowledgement that you care about her, and care about her good opinion. Or a wry acknowledgement that you care a bit too much about what everyone thinks of you, and that you tend to do that with everyone. Whatever the truth is.
It's the tone that matters in the final session before a break. And sometimes the knowledge that the tone can't turn ugly makes saying things almost easier, you know? Oh, maybe it's not for everyone.
But for me, I get as affectionate as a puppy in the last session before a break. And within that affection, I can say things I couldn't say otherwise. I don't know, maybe feeling affectionate as a pup also makes me as open and trusting as a pup. But maybe that's not true of everyone.
(But I would wish for everyone that it did. It's really a very good feeling.)
poster:Dinah
thread:459478
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050211/msgs/459630.html