Posted by LG04 on February 17, 2005, at 1:40:53
In reply to Re: Longing for my T » daisym, posted by thewrite1 on February 16, 2005, at 10:17:37
i know exactly what you are talking about. i had so many unhealthy, actually excruciatingly painful relationships with certain people in my life b/c i'd develop intense transference/longing for them and of course they had no idea how to handle it and it always ended in disaster. these relationships were so painful for me.
with my current/ex-therapist, i developed the same kind of longing/transference. for the first time, i was actually able to discuss these feelings with the person i was having transference with, and at the same time knowing she would keep me safe, not hurt me, and help me understand where they come from. she wasn't freaked out by them and she understood that the feelings aren't really about her. the place to work it out is in therapy, not with untrained people. it's too intense.
it's still painful of course to have these feelings of longing/transference towards my therapist, no matter what, or no matter to whom they are directed, the feelings are painful. but at least i have hope that i can work it thru with her and not have it keep happening again and again in "real" life. and having the longing for her keeps my other relationships more healthy b/c all the longing is directed towards her and not others.
this is what both my therapist and my friends tell me when i say, "i can't do this anymore. it hurts too much to have these feelings." they encourage me to stick with it b/c the feelings are inside of ME and they will simply get directed toward someone else if not my therapist. and since the safest place to direct them is towards my therapist, i need to try to keep with it and hope it will eventually subside if we talk about it enough and i let the feelings out finally.
good luck. it's hard work but they say it's worth it. i sure hope so.
LG04
poster:LG04
thread:458144
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050211/msgs/459158.html