Posted by fallsfall on February 11, 2005, at 11:52:18
(I'm not going over the posting limits, am I? It was such an amazing session, but the issues are really very distinct...)
I think I'm a little proud of this - but I think that I *shouldn't* be proud of it...
Last Thursday I gave my therapist a treatment plan form that he needed to fill out for me (I have new insurance). I feel a desperate need to get the insurance (both financial and emotional), and he said something on Thursday that made me think that he might not "pile it on thick" (his words) enough for me to get what I needed. On Friday I went in and was a complete basket case. I couldn't think, I couldn't talk, I kept wanting to say "Take care of me". We both knew that I was "proving" that I was not competent, but we didn't know why. I certainly demonstrated my lack of competence that day. It wasn't something I *wanted* to do (I hate being incompetent), and I tried during the session to break out of the depression, but I couldn't.
As I was driving home, I figured out that I was trying to give him ammunition for the treatment report. I wanted (unconsciously) for him to "see" how depressed I "am".
And he did fill out the treatment report, and he "piled it on thick" (but not untruthfully). And he said today that he might have filled it out differently if I hadn't been such a mess on Friday. He said "I unconsciously colluded with you. That way I could fill out the treatment plan "piling it on thick" without feeling guilty that I was being untruthful."
Kind of scary that I could *so* successfully be *so* manipulative (all unconscious, of course). But, I *am* a master at getting what I want...
poster:fallsfall
thread:456264
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050211/msgs/456264.html