Posted by 10derheart on January 9, 2005, at 22:41:57
In reply to Re: Hey, Voce..., posted by messadivoce on January 8, 2005, at 1:25:37
> Thanks 10derheart, for asking. I've haven't posted about this in awhile because it takes a lot of energy out of me.
That's exactly why I don't post lately (about my ex-T.) The emotions have been so confusing and hour-to-hour, I can't keep up with myself. But I will soon, as a lot has changed. I'm more on the numb side now, but it's okay.
> Of course within minutes after mailing it I was assalted with thoughts that I shouldn't have sent it, it was dumb and I should have just left well enough alone. Of course I know that's not the case. I thought about it for oh so long....Again, I can relate. I have done that with numerous emails and things. Wishing for a recall button and not having one, etc. But your situation is a little more difficult and complicated, I think. I think it was brave. I'll bet, when times passes and however he reacts, it'll be better to know *something* than to wonder if you should have asked and poured out your heart. I'm glad you mailed it. This relationship was sooo important to you, it's probably worth even the risk of further pain.
> So here I wait and wonder. I still have my bad days of course (it's about half and half). I still miss him, there's still a big hole where he was and no one will ever replace him, but the days that I want to stay in bed all day or when I feel dizzy and sick from missing him are slowly becoming fewer.
You've really said it well. That's wonderful you can say half and half. If you're like me, we can pretty much function and go on with the other parts of our lives when it at least reaches that point. The ache is more in the background than in the foreground, sort of?
>
Thanks for posting about this. Take care of yourself. - 10derPS: Are you counting days since you mailed it? I did that obsessively when I first wrote snail mail to ex-T. last September. I hated doing that but couldn't seem to stop it..
poster:10derheart
thread:439135
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050105/msgs/439951.html