Posted by gardenergirl on January 1, 2005, at 20:43:36
In reply to Re: Glacier Movement » daisym, posted by antigua on December 31, 2004, at 7:51:15
> I've never been angry at my mother over this--or my father. Anger for them is outside the spectrum of my feelings. Oh, I can rant and rave privately on occasion, but it does no good. I've jumped right over it--my mother did the best she could. She went from one abusive relationship to another and she did what she had to do to survive. I would never accept that for my own kids, but my mother has her limitations and I just can't hold them against her.
I've experienced a similar feeling towards my mother. She had this behavior that sends me to the very edge of my patience. It also means that she is not able to be my mother to me. She was never a good enough mother, and this continues to hurt me today. I lean towards having compassion and letting her off the hook because I am sure she has her own issues that lead her to behave this way. My T challenges this, though. He thinks her behavior is part of a sadistic dance she does to demand my attention and admiration. And this definitely does leave me without a mother figure to meet my needs. So I have a hard time holding the two ideas in my head (mom cannot help herself and mom intentionally although perhaps unconsciously hurts me still). I definitely always move towards the letting her off the hook idea, but this doesn't validate the reality of my own pain. It's so very hard and confusing, though.
> So I'm a mess. The urge is to do something, anything to alleviate these awful feelings. I want to tell me T to DO SOMETHING, but it has to come from me. The key is to not self destruct before I figure it out--a genuine fear I have.
I'm glad you are still hanging in there. I'm sorry it is moving so slow. Perhaps trying something different in therapy, such as EMDR again, play therapy such as pfinstegg, or dialoging between the girls if that feels okay might help jump start things when you are ready?
At any rate, I wish you enough and I wish you peace.
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:433059
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041228/msgs/436552.html