Posted by gardenergirl on November 4, 2004, at 23:15:26
In reply to Re: You've always got through it before... » Dinah, posted by JenStar on November 3, 2004, at 22:26:33
Hi Dinah,
I'm sorry that therapy doesn't feel good right now. I think I agree with some of the others who commented on feeling less attached. I had a similar experience recently. It felt to me like my T was just not 100 % "on his game" with me for a couple sessions in a row. He was much more quick to interrupt and start lengthy interpretations before I felt I had clearly communicated what I wanted to say. It was really irritating, because I'd have to wait him out or interrupt back saying, "not quite that but this..." and explain some more.At the time, I felt like perhaps he was getting tired of working with me and was bored with the same old issues. In a later session, just before I went to the conference, I was really cranky, especially when we were scheduling the next session. I dont' know if I was saying why am I here and what am I getting out of it, but I did feel that trying to fit in a session and cram all my clients into two days was too much of a hassle. So we skipped a week.
When I went back last week, it felt odd. I talked about how I felt cranky and off track, and told him some of what I had noticed about him. This week we talked more about it. I think I really came to realize that I had been idealizing him (in part 'cause he IS so good!), and that made me feel special to know that he cared for me and accepted me as I am. Once the idealization was broken, I no longer felt special and came to realize he had many clients, I'm not special, and he isn't perfect. UGH! It made me feel really rocky and vulnerable, and suddenly I feel like I don't know where we are going in the process. And not knowing where we are going means I have to trust him more, just when I am realizing that I do not trust him completely/idealize him. Ugh!
So I do think that instances like this can have a real impact on attachment. And then throw in external stressors like health and so on, and sheesh, no wonder it was hard.
Sorry to be so long here. I do hope that you and he can move together through this time. (I hope that for me and my T, too.)
Take care,
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:409822
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041104/msgs/411951.html