Posted by 64bowtie on October 23, 2004, at 3:39:48
y'alls.....
Success as an adult is predicated solely on effective strategies developed to manage the innate "I-don't-ever-wanna-feel-bad" urge. It took me totally by surprise that such an important life saving trait could be our life-long biggest downfall, when not properly understood, and managed sensibly and carefully.
What happens first upon a successful birth? The doctor spanks the infant to instigate the breathing process. The dissatisfied baby starts screaming, requiring breathing in order to continue. This dissatisfaction reaction is a wonderful attribute designed to keep us alive for the first five years by nudging our parents to respond to our infant protests.
Adults likewise, react to impending disaster by flinching automatically out of harms way. Why? The innate "I-don't-ever-wanna-feel-bad" urge kicks in magically. E.G., when I drop something heavy, I flinch my closest foot out of harms way to ensure that I don't crush a toe or scrape an ankle. Pain-done-learned-me! Also, when I am cutting or welding steel, I now check the piece for heat a couple of inches above it before reaching out to pick it up; toooo many burned hands or fingers taught me to check
first.My Mom taught me to use pot-holders to take pans out of the oven when I was little. It wasn't that I was stupid or unwise, I was un-knowing. As a child, I wasn't thinking, "painful burns". I was thinking I had a chance to help and be important to my Mom. Ooooooops! Timing? Perhaps, but always use a pot-holder!
So much for the good use of the urge. Why and how does this good trait turn our lives into such chaos? Chronic drunkenness comes to mind first! Road rage, spousal-child-elder abuse, theft, lying, murders of passion, divorce, grumbling and complaining, smoking, drug miss-use and abuse, are just a few ways this or that individual react destructively because of an innate need to "never-wanna-feel-bad".
No matter how much feel-goods individuals spackle over their feel-bads, the urge to avoid the feel-bads keeps producing pain, fear, anger, misery and suffering. Individuals never get the peace, freedom and happiness they expect and crave.
I believe I have sifted through the rubbish of many lives and discovered this subtle and confusing trait hardwired into our very beings. Its immutable nature can either save us or plague all our lives. How we approach the management of this process will in fact determine our success(s) and failures in our lives.
I have been aware of this enigma trait of mankind for only about three years now. I was first alerted to its significance while studying impulses and compulses and how or when they may ruin our lives. My mentor, David Peck had built his model for over-coming drug and alcohol addictions by moving clients toward effective strategies for managing impulsive behavior. Compulsive behavior required guidance and objective visual imagery to effectively mediate, and in a therapy environment.
After his passing, I have taken up the gauntlet and have carried back the study to a point of origin; the dissatisfaction avoidance urge, supported by neuroscience, is our protector and our enslaver. We become obligated to the feel-goods in the miss-guided notion we are not really dissatisfied, ever. Then, we undergo "crash and burn" devastating failure. Certainly a wake-up call!
What's the way out? I am beginning to piece together a coherent strategy for living a full, happy, free, and peaceful life. At least today I can nudge almost anyone or everyone, encouraging them to suspend their beliefs until they know the ones that are their own beliefs. Next, of their own beliefs, which ones are useful and viable.
This is the first baby step of a new life. Since beliefs are a substitute for re-thinking things over and over, the person starts being aware of so much more going on around them by being less dependent on beliefs for answers. As we become more and more aware, our ability to perceive increases casually replacing our need to intuit and guess at what might work. This is just a beginning. There is plenty of time to add more strategies from everyone as we all become more aware.
Rod
poster:64bowtie
thread:406263
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041016/msgs/406263.html