Posted by shrinking violet on September 10, 2004, at 11:07:42
In reply to Re: not sure i can / should keep doing this » shrinking violet, posted by JenStar on September 10, 2004, at 1:11:11
>> I'm sorry about your cat! I hope that he (she?) will do OK on the meds...I love my pets a lot too and find that it's easy to spend $$ on their health even when I should be pinching the budget in general...It's a she. :) Thank you, I hope she's okay on them too. She'll go back in a few weeks for more bloodwork, to check. In a way, I'm glad it's at least treatable, but again, it's a reminder that she is getting older. And I now about pinching the budget; I'm in grad school, living off loans! But as long as I can reasonably take care of her, I will.
>> I think your questions about the reality of therapy are really, really deep. I suppose your T is right -- the relationship IS real. It's just not permanent, and it's not equal.
I think the impermanence and inequality are two things I struggle with. Maybe I do know, deep down, that my T really does care about me, even though it may not be the same as her friendships, etc.
> I was thinking about this the other day. Suppose all of us out there who have transference or feeling for our T's were suddenly granted what we THOUGHT we wanted, or wanted even fleetingly for a moment: The T said to us, "Hey, I like you so much that I'm going to terminate you right now and refer you to XX person for therapy. Then I'm going to wait the recommended 6 mo (2 years?) and I'm going to call you up and we're going to be best friends!" After a brief feeling of triumph, I think I'd feel burdened.
LOL, you made me laugh, thank you. Maybe you're right, but...I don't know. I never really wanted a true friendship with my T; or, more to the point, I think I realize a true friendship with her wouldnt be feasible, given our age difference (18 years) and I doubt I'm as mature as her true friends are, lol. I see us as having more of a mentor/mentee type relationship, or maybe even a friendly acquaintance type thing where we'd get together for coffee or a movie once or twice a month, but that she would know I'm there for her if she ever needed anything. I keep trying to tell myself that I can always stay connected to her through letters and cards a few times a year (she's already said she hopes I stay in touch with her, and maybe visit once in a while), but on the one hand I'm afraid that eventually, I'll forget to write, or I'll figure she's sick of hearing from me and stop writing. But then there's a small glimmer of hope that one day, she'll write back and ask to get together. I really wish I had a crystal ball.
>>When this person came down off the pedastal and joined me face to face, would I still feel that sense of excited exaltation anymore? When this person became a peer instead of a sage, a wiseman, an oracle, would I even be interested?Interesting...do you see your T as "on a pedestal?" I guess maybe most clients do, or should. I don't, really. My T is VERY human (and hence, fallable) to me. I see her as having more education and knowledge in an area that I lack (psych) and that's why I see her, but other than that, I don't think she has any more power or wisdom than most other people. I know she's made mistakes with me: some she has acknowledged, and some I'm not even sure she's aware of. And that's okay with me, because she *is* human, and doesn't try to pretend she's an all-knowing entity.
> >Maybe the excitement of viewing the unobtainable friend/confidant/lover is part of what keeps people coming back to therapy?Maybe for some.I don't think that's true for me, though. My T says that she sometimes doesn't know why I keep going back (given how much I struggle with it, and how hard it is for me to open up). I'm not sure either, but I think partly for the first time I have someone who is willing to listen to me and give me some of what I've been lacking (nurturing, caring, attentiveness, validation), although that might be over-simplifying. I guess it's different for everyone.
>> Maybe it's best to just enjoy the relationship for what it is, even knowing it will fade eventually. It can still be great NOW, right?
I know, you're right. I try to hang onto that. But then the pain of realizing it IS temporary takes over, and I wonder why I should indulge myself in something that will only hurt more to lose later on.
>>...it's sort of like a 'test drive' for future 'real' relationships!
I know that T/client relationships are supposed to be models for outside ones, and that the client is supposed to want to seek out other similar relationships outside of the T's office. I'm not like that, though. I'm very much a loner, very introverted, and I've gotten too good at isolating myself, to the point where I dont even feel like I belong in the world anymore. If anything, this "thing" with my T is cementing my fear of people. lol.
Thank you for responding.
poster:shrinking violet
thread:388901
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040905/msgs/389186.html