Posted by pantt on September 9, 2004, at 9:34:13
In reply to Pantt how old is this guy? Could it be a midlife? (nm), posted by Susan47 on September 8, 2004, at 20:18:04
Nearly sixty. Yes definitely midlife or some kind of crisis. I hope it isn't something organic. Thanks for your responses. It feels really humiliating and frightening at the same time.It brings up so many complicated and competing feelings that I don't know what to believe. And there is nobody in the "real" world that I could talk to about this. He is the one I go to for reality checks etc. And it doesn't just make me doubt what is going on now, it makes me wonder if anything I ever thought about him was true or if our relationship was an illusion-I guess it shouldn't matter if it helped me and in the beginning it really made a difference. I felt like he was the first person that I had ever even been in the same room with after a world of being apart and alone. That was such a miracle and it makes me sad if it was just an illusion and he was lying or manipulating me consciously back then too.
I don't know how to cope with this. After my beloved dog died I nearly fell apart and I spent 30 minutes a day writing everything I remembered about her in a notebook to try and help me cope. Last night I bought another notebook to do the same with him. The problem is I'm not sure if he is gone or changed or just never even was there.
Again thanks for listening, this isn't the sort of thing you can talk about to most people and I don't have any people anyway...oops heading for self pity city time to sigh off
poster:pantt
thread:385216
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040905/msgs/388630.html