Posted by LG04 on September 5, 2004, at 13:57:27
In reply to more termintion angst, posted by shortelise on September 4, 2004, at 0:19:16
Hi, I've been reading threads fairly regularly but just have not been able to post. I too am terminating from a beloved therapist to whom i am very attached. and shortelise, when you said you feel like you are being ripped from air...you said it perfectly. i have two more sessions left with mine and then i am leaving the country. we will continue to talk by phone but that too will decrease. and phone isn't the same as in person.
i am in total shock. i cannot comprehend that i am leaving therapy with her. i feel like i am going to die. it's a very premature termination, we're ending b/c i'm leaving the country, not b/c it's time to end. also our last few sessions have been quite difficult...not the tie-it-up-in-a-bow summarizing and good feeling kind of stuff. she's tried but i've had some painful things come up and a lot of trust issues (of course b/c i'm separating so everything is magnified 200%) and it just hasn't been as i would have had wanted (or as i think she might have wanted), though it's been real. also some illusion-busting things, which i think might be a natural consequence of ending therapy but it rips one's heart out. and i am still figuring out so many things about myself and about our relationship, even as we are "ending," and it just proves how much fertile ground there is in our relationship to continue learning and growing, and cutting it short is just...well it just...sigh...no words.
it's just so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so sad. i told her it's one of the most difficult things in my adult life that i've ever faced.
having said all that, and in response to someone else's question...yes i'd do it all again. i wouldn't have passed up this relationship, this therapist who i love so much, the lessons that i've learned or the growing that i've done, not for anything in the world.
i saw a movie last night, "endless mind in a spotless world," something like that, about people who go thru painful break-ups or lose someone they love and the memories are so painful that they go thru a procedure to get them erased. i asked myself if i'd want to get my memories of my relationship with my therapist erased and i didn't even hesitate, i knew the answer would be no. no way. she is precious to me and always will be, and she is a part of me. i wouldn't want to give up, or undo, that part for anything in the world.
hang in there shortelise. i'm going thru the exact same thing. we'll make it. it will get less painful eventually because it has to. there's nowhere to go but up.
laurie
poster:LG04
thread:386255
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040905/msgs/386733.html