Posted by Racer on February 2, 2004, at 14:44:58
In reply to Re: Therapist honesty, posted by DaisyM on February 2, 2004, at 0:32:18
That was so well stated and clear, and I agree absolutely. This is something that I struggle with a lot: I'm the trainer, I'm the one with the answers, I'm the one in charge, I'm the one who can't delegate because it wouldn't be done right if I didn't do it myself. In order for the therapy to be successful, I have to be willing to accept my vulnerability to the therapist, thus allowing her to play her role in the process. And that's damned hard for me to do, because I am The Boss and In Charge.
Ironically, that's what my last session was about: being able to cede control, and the fears involved.
So, here's my developing theory on this matter:
Ethical standards mostly fall into a sort of bell curve, where many things are appropriate under many circumstances, and a few things are always appropriate or inappropriate no matter what the circumstance. That means that for some of us, the PowerChargers amongst us, the therapist might be most effective by enforcing the boundaries quite strongly. For someone more inclined to be passive, stretching the boundaries might be more productive.
I liken it to child rearing. A child who is given strictly enforced boundaries, with immediate and substantive consequences for crossing them, will learn to feel secure. That's because the parent is acting as a sort of external conscience, exerting control in order to help the child learn to control himself or herself. Not control in the micromanaging sense, but control in the good sense -- like having working brakes in a car. A good parent gradually widens the boundaries as the child grows, so that the security the child has learned can grow into self confidence and an ability to adapt to new circumstances, out of which process comes autonomy, and a healthy adult.
A good therapist, in a sense, is being a Good Parent. For the individual who is locked in the helpless stage, the therapist helps define boundaries and assists the patient in learning to live within them comfortably; moving towards reassuring the patient when the time comes to start getting more independant. For another individual, someone who's learned not to trust anyone else, and that our needs can only be met by our own actions, the same Good Therapist might be more inclined to act as a safe depository for our trust, while strictly enforcing the boundaries in order to minimize our instinct to push on every potential weak spot.
OK, that got longer than I intended, and much more convoluted than I had intended. Boiled down, I agree with what you said, and see in it a starting point for defining a good therapeutic relationship.
Phew, I'm out of breath...
poster:Racer
thread:308062
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040131/msgs/308570.html