Posted by All Done on January 19, 2004, at 1:06:02
In reply to Re: being Special » All Done, posted by Karen_kay on January 18, 2004, at 12:23:26
> That goes back to the conversation I had with my therapist about feelings (from the therapist) getting in the way of therapy. I think when I typed that out, it was confused with the previous conversation.
> He said that he is able to seperate his feelings to a certain extent from the therapy process. I know that I have favorites. I have my favorite therapist, niece, sister, student when I taught for a class, ect. The point is to not let it show. But therapists undergo training, I would assume, to help them deal with this type of thing. Maybe it wouldn't hurt the client a bit to feel that he/she is the favorite? What do you think? I mean if the client has selfesteem issues or feelings of never being good enough, wouldn't it be a good thing to feel as though she is her therapist's favorite client? Now, even if she is not, just to help boost her ego? I'm not a therapist, probably a good thing mind you, but if the client is struggling with either self esteem issues or especially troubles opening up or trusting the therapist, wouldn't it aid in developing the relationship if the therapist made her think she was special to him in some way (as in one of his favorite clients)?
>
> Just because he says it, doesn't make it true, BTW. I don't always believe everything he says. I trust him,but I don't take his word as law :) He is a therapist and I tend to think there's some type of motive behind every word that comes spewing out of his cute little mouth. I'm also a skeptic if you hadn't noticed....
What thought provoking questions, Karen…After reading your post, the first thing I did was ask myself what I would feel if my therapist told me I was his favorite (not out of the realm of possibility, you know, as I do *not* bore him : ).) First and foremost, I wouldn’t believe him. Somewhat like you, I also believe there is always more to what he says – a “real” reason he says what he does. (I have a very manipulative mom, though. I suppose that has a lot to do with it. Hmm, topic for next week’s session…)
Then, I got sidetracked and thought - isn’t therapy supposed to, in part, be about getting what we didn’t get as infants, children, and adolescents and learning how to get that as adults from within ourselves? So, for people with self-esteem issues, I do believe they need to learn that they are special. Is the best method to have the therapist *tell* the client he or she is special or the therapist’s favorite? Now, I can only speak of my limited experience with therapy and my therapist, but I know he has ways of making me feel what I need to feel without directly saying the exact words. I think this might be more effective that just saying something to me. Other people in my life have tried that already and I just distrust their motives and assume they’re trying to appease me. For example, if someone tells you you’re pretty, you can choose to believe it or not. But if someone were to actively flirt with you, wouldn’t you then *know* that they find you attractive? (See my new thread on flirting in therapy : ).) If my therapist can help me to feel something (and recognize it as a good feeling), I would give it much more credibility than if he simply told me something. I would learn from it.
Hmm. I don’t know that I answered any of your questions, but there you go.
poster:All Done
thread:300720
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040116/msgs/302566.html