Posted by zenhussy on December 25, 2003, at 2:21:03
In reply to Re: why I'm quitting group....maybe (oh so long) » zenhussy, posted by tabitha on December 20, 2003, at 16:59:08
Can't type. Really. Just spent twenty minutes trying to get a paragraph together. Lamotrigine making me stoooopid. Ugh.
I think it also contributed to today's flip out in individual therapy. I attended the group meeting this week (slept through it--which is okay in this kind of group...kinda hard to describe) but didn't hear much of what was going on in the bit I was awake for.
Apparently the other members were saying that they were glad I was there and were concerned about me. This is information relayed to me today by my therapist. I guess I'm not "getting it" that I'm an integral part of this group right now. I'm not sure if I'm not allowing myself to attain real closeness with the other members because of my.....because of my....lost that. Frig this med sucks.
I went to a place that for me was very difficult to go to emotionally and felt slapped down. I expressed some reasons of why this particular group wasn't working for me and what qualities I wanted out of a group. In expressing my frustration with why this group isn't quite the right fit I related internally to something decades old and was crying angrily as I responded. Instead of any validation or understanding of how deep a vault I just had to break into to figure out that piece of info I was met with a raised voice irritated therapist. I even explicitly explained what I was upset over but was met with even more of this verbal assault of crap. I don't need this right now.
Screw that. I left. It's been ages since I stormed out of a session (I did all that necessary garbage when I was an angry eighteen year old and prone to hissy fits) but I don't pay people to piss me off when I'm vulnerable. I'm not doing that kind of work. I'm not exploring my inner freaking self...I'm doing specific trauma work and focusing on that alone. I resent the hell out of anyone getting in my way of that path of healing.
Today my path was perturbed. That chaps my hide.
Didn't reread this for making sense or for spelling so please grammar and spelling witches and warlocks stay back and leave me be.
a foul mooded zenhussy
poster:zenhussy
thread:290771
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031221/msgs/293270.html