Posted by Poet on November 14, 2003, at 10:41:40
She made me mad, yesterday. I was ten minutes late which upset me to begin with as being a perfect therapy patient club member, I am always on time.
She commented that I looked dressed up. I said I think you know why. She said I thought we agreed that you would take a break from job hunting. Then started in on *if you don't get it, are you emotionally able to handle it this time? Or will you get depressed, and lose control (bulimia) again?*
What I wanted was support. What she did was trigger my running tape of *I'm a failure, I've always been a failure and always will be a failure.* I told her that's what's now running through my head. I know she's worried that I will lose it again, but what I wanted was encouragement that I felt ready to try again.
She just said, well, as always I'll hope the best for you, but rember if you get turned down, you can't blame yourself. You have to keep yourself together emotionally (isn't that what I pay her for?)
I wish I had been even later and stopped home to change into my normal jeans. I know I set myself up for emotional devistation with the interview, my track record of failure is years long. She didn't have to reinforce my negative thoughts.
I feel threatened again that if I lose it she will push me out to the specialist. Which at this point might not be a bad idea.
Poet
poster:Poet
thread:279705
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031114/msgs/279705.html