Posted by katia on October 25, 2003, at 13:56:37
In reply to Lamictal , posted by St. John on October 24, 2003, at 11:05:41
Hi Barbara,
I had a bit of a breakdown. My med decrease? my pms? my fight and breakup with a friend (a healthy decision)??? the disruption of my routine and camping alone in the wilderness?
But I broke down there and had many drinks two separate nights. Vacation is hard not to do it. I'd been almost three weeks without. But my anxiety was really high when I got there (late and unorganized as usual) and there were no vacancies anywhere except in this grungy communal camp where it's basically tent next to tent of rock climbers who were partying and loud and the SMELL. I HAD to pitch a tent there, there was nowhere else by 6:30 pm, the night before I didn't sleep due to hurtful fight with that friend. A lot of things surfaced for me that I'd been holding regarding her and I saw a lot clearly and realized how unhealthy the relationship really is. So I didn't sleep well, high anxiety, drove for four hours, and then the change in routine, the sleeping situation, the chilly early night with nowhere to go (couldn't hang out in that camp), so I went to the pizza joint and ate and got a beer and then another and then another - found myself in the bar making friends, then by the fireplace making more friends, drinking more, etc......
Needless to say the next day I felt like HELL. Not to mention, I didn't drink any water (altitude) and I was afraid of the bears (they hang out in camp grounds trying to get food at night) so I didn't want to have to go to the loo.
Next day, I found a nicer campground and was a good girl - but then the third night, I was lonely. it was cool, getting dark, and early. So I went to an incredible hotel where the sun was setting on the rocks with outdoor sitting and had some wine and then some. My triggers? An abruptness of solitude, decrease in meds, fight with friend, second day hangover from two nights before? I was feeling quite depressed the second day despite the beauty around me and that's why I drank. I realize, I'm not secure enough in my meds or my non-drinking stance to make any changes in routine like that. I was so easily knocked off balance. Even if I have to have a solitary existence for the next six months, I can't have too many stressors coming at me at once like that, otherwise I'll drink. The good thing is, I was able to witness how I fall. Whereas for so many years, it was all unconscious, I wasn't witnessing the triggers, my mood, my feelings, and then the hangover effects.
Glad to hear you're feeling well and aren't drinking.
cheerio,
Katia
(Lamictal 50mg Depakote 250mg)
Need to up that Lami. a bit quicker now, I think.
poster:katia
thread:273147
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031011/msgs/273147.html