Posted by Penny on October 16, 2003, at 13:56:01
In reply to Re: frustrating therapy session » Penny, posted by Dinah on October 15, 2003, at 20:28:35
Well, it's 20 'til 3 and I have therapy at 6. And I'm no more sure about how to broach this subject than I was yesterday.
Last time (I guess the only time) she said something that upset me, she caught on pretty quickly and brought it up in the next session. She then explained how she didn't intend the statement the way I took it. I already knew that, but I guess it was good that she said it anyway.
Thanks again, to all of you, for responding to my post. I know most of us have been in a similar place. It's funny, b/c I often talk with her about how people like Dr. Phil are always making statements like, "If it's not working for you, change it!" as though THAT is going to fix matters! And how she agrees with CBT, to an extent, but thinks that it seriously oversimplifies things - that it has its purpose and can be highly effective, but that it's not the end-all and be-all of therapeutic methods. So, I suspect she knows too how 'just doing it' is easier said than done.
And, still, I find myself dreading tonight's session. Because if I bring it up, then I have to discuss it, and that's uncomfortable. And if I don't bring it up and she does, I have to discuss it, and that's still uncomfortable. And if I don't bring up and she doesn't either, then I will probably continue to ruminate over what was said and how it made me feel.
I don't know what I'm afraid of. I mean, the worst thing that can happen is for me to tell her and she stand by her statement. Which might happen. Though I know also that she will sympathize with me and where I'm coming from, and that she will try to put it a different way that makes it more acceptible to me. Because that's how she is.
My worst fear? That she gets angry with me - that she's just plain tired of listening to me continue to gripe about how I can't do this and I can't do that, and that she tells me so. And I guess that's not the end of the world, even though it probably won't happen, ya' know? I guess I just realize, though, that if she was to get angry with me and express it, that I would probably leave our session tonight feeling terrible about myself and then spiral downhill quickly. Because my moods aren't very stable and I recognize that it wouldn't take much to send me into the Pit.
Then I see my pdoc tomorrow, and last time we were talking about something (my thyroid medication) and I (gasp) mispronounced a word and he corrected me, but chuckled at the same time, and now I feel like an idiot, though I laughed too. And I guess I could point out to him that every time he wrote me a script for Lamictal, he spelled it Lamictyl, but I won't. And why, oh why, do I hold on to little mistakes that I make (including mispronouncing a word that I don't use in normal conversation) and beat myself up with them??? You know, I'm still horrified by some of the things I've done in the past - stupid things I've said - even when no one caught me on them...
And that's another story. Sorry for rambling...
:-b
P
poster:Penny
thread:269640
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031011/msgs/270071.html