Posted by michmich on October 8, 2003, at 16:53:19
In reply to Re: therapist abandonment » michmich, posted by fallsfall on October 8, 2003, at 7:23:12
Hey all. I listened to your suggestions....its helped me thorugh last night..and i managed to go to classes today, but i couldnt study yesterday or today, and i have this big test tommarow. I just needed to speak to my therapist or just absorb her. I did not try to contact her though. Though, i went the counceling center and studied in the office, even though i knew she was not there....then the supervisor..walks in doesnt look at me, and doesnt kick me out...i was so glad....then later i knew she walked through the door, but i did not look up, and she did not acknowledge me. then, my summer psych proffesor (who respects me and i go an A in his class) comes up to me and tells me that dr. says she already saw me this week. I tell him i was confused because i told the secrataries that i was just here to study and did not need to talk to anybody (i think part of the reason she told him to tell me to leave at the time, is because she would be leaving in ten minutes and would not want to run into me).... so i politeely say "oh i did not realize i couldnt study here" and he says "no problem, gotcha, see ya round thanks"...i leave...go to my room. 10 minutes later i am FUMING...i call the office and ask to talk to her...the secretary comes back and says that she is not permitted to talk to me. I hang up. i call 5 minutes later and ask to talk to anyone. the supervisor calls me in 10 minutes...and i tell him that i am trying to be as sane as i can with the shit i am going through. if sitting in a lobby room makes me feel better, and allows me to study, i dont see anything wrong with that. she is the one who started calling me, emailing me, seeing me for extra sessions cuz she wanted me to open up and shes fod of me. then she cuts me off and expects me to be fine" so he says he understand, and that this was for my benefit, and that he would like me to come to the scheduled appt. tommarow still. I said calmly "okay. bye". I cant believe this, i was crying for 20 minutes after. they keep telling me have so much going for me, and that i have friends, and a boyfriend, and do weel in school, and have a nice home.....but none of that matters when i feel so empty. this is i type of pain i cant handle for so long by self and they are telling me to endure and tha i will be fine. id love for them to be bleeding, and i wish i was their doctor...so i could send them out, and say "endure it youll be fine, just run some water over it, i treating you last week for a different thing anyway." i wish that could happen, freaken bastards. I have no idea how she will be tommarow...and i have no idea wehter i will act vulnerable, aloof, depressed, chipper, or anggrryyy/ At least i dont feel empty right now, just ready for war. AARRRGGGHHH I hope I dont sound TOO nuts...what can i say, this is my mental health week. :) Thanks all.
poster:michmich
thread:266484
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030925/msgs/266858.html