Posted by ROO on October 22, 2002, at 12:56:46
In reply to For all you Cyclothymics, posted by Dinah on October 22, 2002, at 8:48:18
It's hard for me to relate to right now (thank god)
because I feel so remarkably stable....but what I can
remember from feelings of cycling are yes, I do feel
like I have behavior that I later feel embarrassed and
ashamed of later (I think either Gabbi or Tabitha or I discussed
it earlier as being "emotionally promiscious")...It feels not unlike
going on a drunk and doing a bunch of uninhibited things that feel
fine and very rational and reasonable at the time, but then later
I find myself cringing. Kind of grandiose behavior...but it doesn't quite
fit into the realms of big time bipolar behavior...it's relatively minor stuff...
I just know it's not quite normal _for me_. I have a kind of feeling of being a little
full of myself and that everyone else in the world is as interested in the inner workings of
my inner world as I am and I tell them everything, things that might not really be appropriate
(or that they might not really be interested in hearing)....not sure if I'm making sense..again,
I feel the topamax makes me so damn stupid...the other part of cycling for me, I've told you about...it's a feeling of not being able to be in my own
skin...it's almost like a panic attack....it's a feeling like something VERY BAD is about to happen...like
I could be on the streets and homeless any minute....it's completely irrational, but it feels very real...I
feel completely unsafe in the world and like there is no such thing as a secure place in this world.I have lots of shame too, especially when I'm either cycling or in the midst of depression....sometimes
the shame is so crippling I can barely look someone in the eye. I'm so glad I'm not feeling like that right
now. Lately I'm feeling my confidence come back. Thank God.I hope this helps.
poster:ROO
thread:1362
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20020829/msgs/1366.html