Posted by Dena on December 15, 2003, at 14:43:00
In reply to Re: 8 Weeks is a Looooong Time... » Dena, posted by judy1 on December 15, 2003, at 10:55:06
Hi Judy -
How nice to have a response so quickly, after so many long weeks in exile!
I understand the situation with children at Christmas. I have seven of them (ages 16 down to 1). I wasn't very involved with church when the older ones were young - I just went through the motions, & I was always so depressed ... Christmas was just always something to endure. My husband (who was raised Jewish & became a Christian just before we met) always tried to make it up to the children for their mom's grinch-ness. Also, my parents, who live across the country & can't often see the kids, would send them things to make up for the separation. My inlaws, who have more disposable income, seemed to see Christmas as an invitation to compete for who could give the best gift. Translation: too many toys. Lesson learned: greed gets rewarded.
Things have changed for our family, spiritually. We, as parents, have a personal relationship with God, & do our best to live it out before our children (not easy - I blow it almost every day!). We've taught our children about God, & the older ones have come to know him as well (the younger ones just aren't yet accountable).
Church for us is a close-knit community of people who believe alike & who love each other in practical ways. We all know each other as close friends, & share a great deal of our lives with each other. So church for my children isn't just somewhere to go, but someone they are. Of course, I couldn't teach them this if it wasn't real for me first. If I compartmentalize my life, reserving my faith for Sundays only, my witness to my children would be a negative one. I have to live it out 24/7, when I feel like it & when I don't, or it isn't real. Children are so finely-tuned against hypocrisy - they let me know it when I don't walk what I talk!
When I was a child, my parents made a big deal about Santa Claus. I bought it. In second grade, when a friend told me the truth, I was devastated! I mean, my parents went all out to convince me that he was real: flour ("snow") footprints on the living room floor, running across the roof, shaking jingle bells & yelling, "Ho, ho, ho!", having "Santa" (a relative) call me on the phone to see if I'd been naughty or nice. I couldn't believe they'd lied to me. I was hurt & it was hard to trust them for a while. I didn't want to do that to my own children. From their earliest Christmases, we told them the myth of Santa Claus (& the real story of St. Nicholas). We focused on the true Christmas story, of how God sent Jesus to earth as a human baby, vulnerable, tiny & helpless ... how he came to an obscure teenaged girl, in an obscure country, in an obscure town, in an obscure stable. God became man, so that we could be reunited to God. They know & love this story, & pray that they're coming to know & love Him.
I've researched the meanings behind the traditions of Christmas. Even the most secular seeming ones have their roots in the celebration of Jesus' birth. The tree points toward heaven; the star or angel on the top proclaims the birth of the world's savior. We use only the ornaments that reflect our faith, & we set up the nativity under the tree (the manger is empty 'til Christmas morning - they all run to see baby Jesus). Candy canes were developed to resemble shepherd's crooks; if you turn them upside down, you see the "J" for Jesus; the white represents His purity, & the red represents the blood He would shed on the cross; three thinner red stripes for the stripes He received on our behalf when the Roman soldiers whipped Him, as well as being the number of the Trinity. The flavor of the cane is peppermint, which is similar to hyssop. Hyssop is in the mint family and was used in the Old Testament for purification and sacrifice.
Now, we still give Christmas gifts to each other. I want them to have the thrill of planning, choosing, wrapping & giving gifts (& keeping a secret!). I want them to be more excited about seeing their siblings open their gifts, than to open their own gifts. I take each of them to the dollar store, & give them a dollar per family member (with seven kids, even this isn't cheap!). I help the little ones with their choices. Then they get to wrap them & put them under the tree. They're so excited this year about giving, which just amazes me.
We informed the grandparents several years ago that we didn't want any more toys. We requested that they send gifts of clothing, books & educational games or puzzles.
One year, we "adopted" a local family through a charity. They were anonymous to us, but we were told their ages, sizes & needs. We went shopping as a family to purchase clothes, toys, books, & food. We wrapped them & sent them through the charity. We received a wonderful thank you note from them - my kids loved doing that.
Last night my kids, all of them, participated in our church's nativity play. So hokey, & yet so wonderful! My eldest son portrayed Jesus as an adult (a sort of foreshadowing of the angel to Joseph); my eldest daughter was Mary; two sons were shepherds (one of them crawled - I think he thought he was supposed to be a sheep!); another son was the innkeeper, & two more daughters were angels. They worked on it for weeks, & were so excited to share it with their parents & the rest of the church. It became a living lesson for them - the historical account became real in their lives.
On Christmas Eve, we'll attend the service, sing carols & come home to share hot chocolate (the real stuff for a change - not instant). Then my husband will do the inevitable last-minute assembly of something that was supposed to come already assembled, while I stuff stockings & wrap any last minute whatever.
On Christmas morning, we eat breakfast together while Handel's Messiah plays in the background. Lest you get the impression that this is all Martha-Stewart-ish, let me assure you that my family is very real. I'll probably have to break up a couple of arguments, clean up spilt something or other, change a couple of poopy diapers, & remind, over & over, that patience is a virtue, not a disease!
That night, our priest, his wife (we're obviously not Roman Catholic) & two single friends will join us for dinner (in between the presents & the eating, there's a lot of cooking going on). After dinner, we'll have a cake & sing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus. Somewhere in there, I'll have to remember to call all my family across the country, & those across the ocean.
In spite of it all, I still have to fight the commercialism of Christmas, both in myself & in my children. It's all around, & it's impossible to not get affected by it. I still want to find the "perfect" gifts, I still spend too much money, I still lose my temper while we're setting up the tree (those darned tangled lights!), I still feel compelled to do too much.
I'm hoping to find a few quiet moments, when I can "be still & know that He is God".
Shalom, Dena
P.S. How was that for a "quick" answer to your question? I obviously have a lot of verbage stored up for the past 8 weeks!
poster:Dena
thread:289997
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faith/20030908/msgs/290105.html