Posted by Dena on October 6, 2003, at 21:29:01
In reply to Faith made me sick, and then it made me well, posted by Tovah on October 6, 2003, at 16:19:42
Dear Tovah -
I love your story! Mine is similar - grew up in a nominal Christian home (rarely attended church). My father (who was military) & my mother would imbibe a bit on Saturday nights, & in order to get us three girls out of the house on Sunday mornings (for quiet hangover sleeping), would arrange for us to be taken to the chapel's Sunday school. I don't remember too much of what I was taught, but I recall someone saying that it didn't matter what I did all of my life, as long as I asked Jesus to forgive me on my deathbed. I recall thinking, "I'd better be conscious on my deathbed!"
I developed an obsession with getting close to God when I was 10. I created a place to pray in my closet (I knew nothing of "prayer closets" then), putting a little cross made of palm leaves on my closet wall w/ a thumbtack & taped a little picture of Jesus above it (you know, the picture of him with perfectly-parted, combed shoulder-length hair?). I then memorized the Lord's Prayer, Psalm 23 & the Apostle's creed, but I didn't know what I was saying. I determined to read the Bible through, so naturally, I began with Genesis. I did ok until I got to Leviticus, & then quit. For a while, I attended a Lutheran church with my best friend, while she prepared for her confirmation, but I didn't feel as though I belonged there. I kept this hunger for God, but also a sense of being so unworthy of Him hidden in my heart for many years.
My father, having undergone his own personal crisis, came to faith in Christ when I was 14. He had to choose between seeing a military psychologist (& marring his perfect military record), or seeing a chaplain. He chose the chaplain, a man named Merlin Carruthers, who later wrote, "Prison to Praise" which was also made into a movie. This chaplain, knowing my father was an attorney, gave him the gospel of St. John & asked him to consider it a court record. He said, "The defendant, Jesus, claims to be the Son of God. Read this court record & prove Him wrong." My father read it, believing that although Jesus was a good man, a great teacher & a moral leader, He couldn't possibly really be the Son of God. By the time he was done reading, He was convinced that Jesus was indeed the Son of God - the long-awaited Messiah. He's never looked back since. My perspective at the time was, "Great, now my dad is a Jesus-freak!"
A year later, while involved in a chapel youth group (to please my father), we put on the play, "Godspell", a musical version of the book of St. Matthew. I played the "hooker". During the last scene, Jesus is crucified while we (his disciples) cling to a chain link fence, wailing & sobbing over His death. Something happened to me during that scene - it became real. I suddenly had an understanding of Jesus dying for me, suffering horribly for me so that I could live with Him forever. I sobbed for real. I cried all the way through the cast party (some folks thought that I was just a really good actress).
Between that experience & my father's witness of his own conversion, I became a follower of Jesus. I've attended a wide variety of Christian churches: Methodist, Baptist, Episcopalian, Fundamental, Nondenominational Charismatic, Bible churches, Catholic, Orthodox, Presbyterian, Lutheran, etc. As long as Jesus was proclaimed as Lord, I could worship there.
I spent my years from 18 to 39 consumed with an addiction that became my god. The guilt would rise up, but I'd push it right back down with my "drug of choice" - I became an expert at numbing out. God blessed me with a good husband & seven wonderful children during this time - He protected them from me. I almost threw it all away many times over. "They" said I'd never recover. "They" said, "once a bulimic, always a bulimic." But God, in His sovereign mercy, completely healed me & gave me my life back. I'm no longer that self-destructive, hopeless, desperate woman. I'm a new creature, forever grateful to my Lord for His forgiveness, mercy & grace. After a two-year absence from church, I returned to the "mega" church my husband had been attending.
But over the years, God has planted a hunger in me to return to the Early Church - the Church that Jesus left to His Apostles. The Church that was intended to be Light & Salt in this world. I now belong to a church that is liturgical, evangelical & charismatic - it's based on the One Church that existed for the first thousand years of Christian history.
How wonderful that you found your home in the Orthodox church - I love the Orthodox church (I have two mothers in law; one is Jewish; one is Greek Orthodox). I'm drawn to the mystery, the ancient history, the chanting, the insence, the beautiful liturgy...
You wrote: For many theological reasons I won't explain here (unless someone specifically asks), came to believe wholeheartedly.
I'm specifically asking: tell me about the theological reasons that led you to believe wholeheartedly. I'd love to hear.
Shalom, Dena
poster:Dena
thread:266053
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faith/20030908/msgs/266124.html