Posted by rayww on September 15, 2003, at 21:07:27
In reply to Re: Spirituality » rayww, posted by Dinah on September 15, 2003, at 16:56:26
Nothing steady about me, other than my inconsistancy.
There have been times when I absolutely could not pray. My thoughts would drift off to my own carnal desires and be so overwhelming. I would be praying to man, not to God. Pretty bad. Then a friend or bishop would seem like my personal savior, and my family the enemy. I would feel so deep, grieve so much, and fall into unknown unfamiliar territory. But for some reason, whenever I really needed to I could rally. If not, my DH would cover for me. Some of my most cherrished experiences came during the darkest moments. I've always had sufficient for the day, but at the same time, been seived, and pressed, and tried along the way. Over and over again. I recognize it now. I have just come through a tough few years, but seem to be levelling out now. Here I go again, I trust God, and I trust my friends. For me, the father figure thing is a big one. They're so all one and the same. It's a trust issue. My father betrayed me in death. I push trust to the limit, and go out on a limb to prove it, but trust is something I must have, and I do. When I can feel the spiritual emotion of trust, I can trust God, but the emotional link stems from people. In my disorder, everything seems backwards. I would say my trust in God stems from people, but in reality, my trust in people stems from God.
And, lets face it women, our husbands, as dear as they are, who know us better than anyone else on earth, can sometimes make us feel like (you finish it). Not exactly the perfect father figure we need at times.
poster:rayww
thread:258696
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faith/20030908/msgs/260439.html