Posted by I Worry Girl on May 26, 2007, at 13:17:57
Imagine moving to a school where you knew almost nobody. The few people, if any, you did know had no effect upon your well-being because although they were close by, they were not close enough to notice or care.
So you are in this place where you were almost always on the outside. You are ignored at large, or even worse, ridiculed. Things could have been different if….
If I had only…. everything would have been OK. But the right words weren’t said and the right actions weren’t taken. She simply didn’t know how because she had not been taught to know how.So she slides by every day, always looking for that sliver of opportunity, always watching for the look in the eye that says, “You’re OK”. Things could have been OK if she had learned the art of taking things in stride. If she had learned to stick up for herself. If she had realized that doing as they do doesn’t always guarantee acceptance, especially if it wasn’t something she wanted to do in the first place.
SPOKEN: “Just do as I say and don’t ask questions.” “You must enjoy making things difficult for me.” “I wish you had never been born.” “What was I thinking when I had you?” “When they were passing out brains you thought they said trains and said, ‘no, thank you.’” “I can’t wait until you get out of my hair.” “I hope your kids grow up to be just as bratty as you.” “Just shut up; I don’t care what you think.” “All that matters is that you do what you’re told.” “No wonder you don’t have any friends.” “You don’t care about anyone but yourself.” “You can figure that out when you get older like I did.”
UNSPOKEN: “I am a piece of sh**.” “What’s wrong with me?” “Why am I so stupid?” “Why doesn’t she like me?” “How come I don’t feel like I belong?” “Why does everyone else seem so ‘in the groove?’” “I would have been better off not even being born.” “What’s wrong with me?” “I am a failure.”
SPOKEN: “There’s nothing wrong with you; it’s all in your head.” “You need to get on some anti-anxiety medication.” “You have always been independent and never wanted to listen to anyone.” “You have always been selfish.” “You had a good upbringing; there’s no valid reason for your problems.” “You have it all; how can you possibly have problems?” “You’ve put on some weight.” “You eat too much.” “You could have done anything you wanted to do with your life.” “I never had anyone tell me what to do with my life either.” “You need to take better care of yourself or he might leave you.” “Your kids are going to be delinquents.” “You should have disciplined them when they were infants. They’ll never behave properly now.” “Such and such’s kids are the best behaved children I have ever seen. She did it right.”
UNSPOKEN: “I am still a failure.” “I’m too fat.” “No matter how hard I try I can never be as good as them.” “Why can’t I figure it out?” “What’s wrong with me?” “Why doesn’t she like me?” “I have done everything I can to appease them/her/him. Why are they/she/he still so mean to me?” “Why am I so f***ing scared?” “If they like me I will put up with their crap because at least someone likes me.” “If they mistreat me it’s because I deserve it.”
Help comes in the form of a happy pill. People don’t change but her feelings do. They have been numbed so it doesn’t matter so much.
She stops taking the happy pill. The pain slowly returns. The mountains loom larger and the people seem nastier. This time, after talking to an expensive nice lady, she is ready to face it – well, sort of. Every time she trembles while facing the situation it seems worse than before. They still mock and ignore her. But one day she makes a friend. Someone who saw how ridiculous they were. Someone who respected her standing up for herself, even when her words froze on her lips or came stumbling out.
So this must be where it all begins…
But it sure as he** isn’t easy.
poster:I Worry Girl
thread:759644
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20070330/msgs/759644.html