Posted by Lindenblüte on October 23, 2006, at 8:19:42
In reply to I feel just as fat as always, posted by Deneb on October 23, 2006, at 0:25:45
> I've lost about 5 pounds yet I still feel horrible. Why can't I be happy during the process of losing weight? I overate today and I feel terrible about it. Why do I let it ruin my day?
Well, one reason why you don't feel happy is because our bodies are not deisgned to tolerate weight loss. Our bodies send out signals that "something is WRONG!!!- find FOOD!!" That might be why you overate.
> Right now I don't think I'll be happy with myself until I'm 95 pounds, but what if it's not enough? What if I'm not thin enough at 95?
>
> I wish I had better self esteem.
>
> Deneb*Will you be happy if you reach a magic number? How about in the past? I know that when I weighed my lowest ever, I was also pretty miserable. I had been working SO hard, all summer long, and I realized that my skinnier body got a lot of attention, and I HATED it! I hated being constantly obsessed by comparing mybody against my peers (I was in college, plenty of peers to compare). My female professors were all groaning about their figures, and complimenting mine. I would have rather shrunk to nothing and hid in the corners, but you can't hide a person, no matter how he or she looks! I would get catcalls on the street and feel trashy. I had new clothes, and I never truly felt comfortable. Mind you- this is a BMI of 20- not underweight. Not eating disordered.
So- go back to your own personal history. How happy were you with yourself at various sizes. Think really carefully.
I found that exercise and building strength and endurance were MUCH more satisfying to my self-esteem than the number on my clothing size or the scale. I felt a real accomplishment that I could bench press 80 lbs at one point (I have NO upper body strength!!) or make it through an entire aerobics class without cheating. I found a lot of satisfaction in being able to do the splits as a 25 year-old, or being able to run a mile in less than 10 minutes.
I'm writing this because I still have a voice inside my head that wants to be that smaller number too. The truth, though, is that I just want to be stronger and have more endurance. I actually LIKE being soft and womanly, but I don't like having a fear of not being able to keep up with my friends if we go on a hike or a bike together.
I'm also writing this because I know that the number on the outside rarely influences the number on the inside. I was overweight (even obese at some points) during most of my childhood and adolescence. Often, I find myself still instinctively reaching for a size 16 or 18, eight years after I lost my "baby fat". Big baggy clothes, etc.
Well, think carefully about numbers and their relation to happiness. I'd hate for you to suffer a strict diet and punish yourself for every slip-up and failure-- all in the search for a goal which was never attainable.
yours,
-Li
poster:Lindenblüte
thread:696930
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20060921/msgs/696964.html