Posted by sleepygirl on September 3, 2006, at 0:25:14
In reply to Approval, and anxiety, and being Good Enough, posted by Racer on September 2, 2006, at 20:43:06
> That would tell me, as an intellectually aware adult, that approval was nothing I had any influence on. It depended solely on my mother's state at the moment, on whether she was feeling hostile towards me, or had some positive energy she was willing to spend on me. Whether I got 100% or 90% wouldn't have mattered to her reaction. In fact, I could probably have gotten 69% or even 40% and still gotten approval if she was in that mood.
So if it were 100% you could know it wasn't about what *you* got...meaning if she didn't give approval it wasn't at least because you didn't do well enough....
even if what you got as a grade didn't figure into the equation at all, looking for correlations in an unpredictable world is understandable-every child needs sense in chaos no?hmmmm...I just read that post you referred to and what you wrote, and a lot of it made good sense to me.
as I relate to it (and I think I do) I can say that I have a horrible fear of being "wrong"- really awful really
the thing is I think that it has to do with so much unpredictability and searching for the "right" way to do something....like the world and everyone in it is rushing around me and away from me and I can't grab on because I just don't speak the languagemaybe 100% is the *absolute* mark the only point at which you can be *sure* that it is not 5 points off which would leave you wondering....well about anything else if you could just keep your attention on the grade?
..random sleepy thoughts
I feel so freakin' inadequate all the time Racer and I know it really sucks- I wish contentment for you :-)
poster:sleepygirl
thread:682455
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20060827/msgs/682544.html