Posted by snapper on August 11, 2006, at 3:38:36
....please...can someone tell me why any or all of us were cursed with this dis-ease or illness. It serves no purpose. I Tend to self loathe more when I imbibe but I am sorry, I must get it out. Depresssion and anxiety serves very lttle purpose but to F88K up our lives and weaken our spirits as human beings. I am thankful for this site to once in a while spread my dis-content. My apathy is bad enough that if I were to lose this post, I would likely not try to repost.. It is simply to MUCH trouble!! I do not do this to opress or depress others . Society has no clue what this crap does to "us" . I am sad and there is virtually nothing I can do about it!. I am afraid to confont things, people and situations that used to be no big deal to me. I have become a different person in just the last 5 to 6 years.I have beeen cursed for 16 plus years ( I keep the pain and continue pretending) That is after 45-50 meds and ECT and counseling. I do NOT want pity. I am stuck on my own apathy indifference and hoplessness. My self esteem used to be ..........pretty strong" invincible if you will. What good is this life if it does not value something positive or strong or even productive.What good is it if even the things that used to move me are no good.? Why has "God" allowed this? I am just "babbling of course" I hope this chatter does not get re-directed ... I am lonely, like I am sure many of you are in your search for freedom from this beast are. I can not believe what this illness has done to my personality and my general outlook on "life" or lack of it ............. I crave the touch of love and human contact.... I do not expect anyone to respond with a miraculous post or responce. The medicines are a farce. Sorry I am extremely jaded. I want my brain back. I just don't know what else to say or do. Thanks for listening. and Reading. BTW if I do not respond to anyone it is because my cognition is bad enough to not care if it is bad or not and I do not know how to paste and copy. I feel l ike a piece of SH8T most always. I need a lot of hugs. :(...at times ( most of the time, I feel as if my posts, or responces are not even good enough for you guys to even care.) I am a Loving and caring individual I just need some of the same! Self esteem is a mirage.
snapper
poster:snapper
thread:675577
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20060725/msgs/675577.html