Posted by greyskyeyes on October 4, 2005, at 10:06:32 [reposted on October 5, 2005, at 19:10:34 | original URL]
In reply to Breakingthe cycle of abuseWhat do you do different, posted by happyflower on October 3, 2005, at 13:51:17
I am having such a struggle with this. I love my son so much, and I try to show him as much as I can. My parents never were (still aren't) the type to hug or say "I love you", so I do it all the time with my son. He's a big hugger. :) And I try to encourage him with everything, clapping and saying "Yay!" whenever he does something, even if he doesn't succeed. Like right now he's trying to learn how to tumble. He keeps falling over sideways but I still applaud him. He loves that kind of encouragement.
But there's this hideous side of me that angers easily and reacts violently to frustration. I can't keep myself "in myself" when that happens (does that make sense? my T says it sounds like I dissociate). I haven't hurt my son - the worst I've done is lightly slap him once - but I am so scared that one day I might. I'm leery of using spanking as a disciplinary method because I'm afraid I'll lose control. My father had a quick, violent temper and unfortunately I seem to have internalized that way of reacting. We are INTENSELY working on this in my therapy. It's so hard. :(
My T recommended a great book:
"Healthy Parenting: How Your Upbringing Influences the Way You Raise Your Children, and What You Can Do to Make It Better for Them"It was painful reading (brought back a lot) but is very sensitively written and I highly recommend it. It's written particularly for adult children of alcoholics but applies to anyone with a "traumatic" upbringing (my T's description, not mine).
~ grey
poster:greyskyeyes
thread:563421
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/child/20050817/msgs/563424.html