Posted by LOOPS on January 1, 2005, at 9:16:26
In reply to Re: St. John's success and some thoughts » KaraS, posted by barbaracat on December 31, 2004, at 20:23:14
I can really relate to those mass energy surges of mania - I'm not 'officially bipolar', but who knows? I get crazy, crazy ideas for my compositions once in a blue moon. Then I am so driven and anxious it is scary. I also organize things like mad when I'm like this. Then I also never finish anything - it's like the power just gets turned off suddenly and I'm like - 'What's the point?' and don't care. I loose interest so quickly.
I never enjoy life when I'm like this. Recently I have been so bang in the middle and it is very refreshing. I am at present clearing out the house of junk, but I've been doing this steadily for about a month - not madly organizing and then getting exhausted. Before that I didn't have any motivation for about 4 years, apart from the few times I had a spark of hope, or that time I started sjw without the lithium.
My sister suffers from the same excitability and depression and general lack of emotional balance as me. I remember when she first went on ADs - I was terrified. She was pretty giggly and had this kind of mad driven agitation I didn't like - I could see it was pushing her and she looked tired as though she was being pushed into this manic state as well and didn't have the energy to maintain it.
Well, maybe she is bipolar as well. I'm pretty sure it's from my father's side, although he seems to be fairly stable, despite suffering from an overly cynical attitude! His mother had dramatic mood swings - I was terrified of her as a child, but always fought back (can you imagine, two bipolars at war with each other?!!). Her husband was just plain depressed and anxious all the time. Not much hope for us then! The other side of the family are all mad musicians, and suffer from anxiety, but not depression.
I never tried ADs after seeing my sister's reaction. I just knew I'd be the same, so I thought sjw was worth a shot, then I got into researching all kinds of things and really experimenting with vitamins etc. I'm glad I did.
Loops
poster:LOOPS
thread:435452
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/alter/20050101/msgs/436306.html