Posted by uncouth on August 6, 2011, at 12:07:18
hi friends,
so after talking to my psychiatrist, we have decided to try discontinuing the antipsychotic I have been on for the past 6 months, Saphris. I tried d/c a few months ago but sleep was affected and my mood worsened. However, I believe that I'm probably on too much medication for my bipolar 2, and I'm still depressed (maybe "empty, lonely, afraid, hopeless" is more precise), so I'd like to try and see what living without an antipsychotic feels like.This will be the first time I've been completely off of an antipsychotic in jeez at least two years. I'm also on Tegretol so that will hopefully provide enough mood stabilization.
What I want to know is, what can I expect from discontinuing the antipsychotic? It's hard for me to say exactly what each drug I'm on does by itself, depression is so multifaceted. SO far I've decreased from 10mg to 5mg over the past week and I feel like my mood has already worsened a bit, but i'm hoping that in the long run my mind will feel more clearer and more natural without the Saphris.
What have been people's experiences, subjectively, how it feels, etc. when they have discontinued an antipsychotic? Rebound mania, depression, etc.? Since antipsychotics affect thinking and cognition, did your cognition improve or worsen going off? Attention, motivaiton, etc.? Addictions and compulsions and obsessions improve or worsen?
i"m very torn because I'm pretty sure I have an organic, biologically based brain disfunction, and if an antipsychotic can treat that, then perhaps I should be on it. But on the other hand, i've been on one along with other meds for years and I still feel the way I feel. Who knows, maybe I would have felt worse if I hadn't been on it? ALl the research I do brings up articles showing the positive effects these things have in the brain. On the other hand, it's yet one more chemical i'm adding to my brain, and it could be having some profound negative effects I can't really notice until I'm off. It's antagonizing dopamine, so maybe the antipsychotic is causing my anhedonia and low motivation. Maybe it's the reason why I don't seem to care about sex or being in a relationship. Maybe it's the reason I'm in my head too much. Maybe it's numbing my emotions so I don't get a chance to fully process my experience. I just don't know who I am anymore, with or without the drugs. I'm tired of playing God and will follow my psychiatrists instructions, but I am very torn about this decision. I hope some of you can understand my concerns, and can speak to your experience with antipsychotics.
I just want to have the capacity to enjoy life again, to not feel so empty and dulled by life, to feel the positives AND even the negatives, and most importantly, to love. I feel like the illness or my nature or nurture somewhere along the line took away my capacity for love. For a girlfriend, for people, for God. I feel that part of my brain is broken and it makes me really sad, because i know how much love would help me.
So yeah sorry for the stream of consciousness, but please tell me your experience of how you felt going off of an antipsychotic. Did it improve things or make things worse? Could you tease out the other effects it had on you besides just on general "mood"? I'm expecting some tough weeks, and won't be shy about asking to go on it again if things get really bad, but damnit there has to be more to life than just reliance on chemicals right? I am starting to go to AA for my medication obsession and other addictions so that is helping, i'm just on step 1, but I'm starting to realize that a big part of my depression is a spiritual malady that can only be solved by a right relationship with God. I'm trying hard and have been trying for years but i'm still getting stuck in old patterns, sin, self-pity, self-obsession. I want to get out of myself and am hoping that reducing my medication burden will help that, somehow.
I don't know. Someone help me, i'm very anxious lonely and depressed right now. I keep hoping that med changes (either additions or removals) will be the answer, but they never seem to be. And yet I can't ignore the real effect changes do have on my mood. But maybe life is more than mood, etc.?
So we'll see. LAst night was my last night on saphris. Please pray for me and share your experience.
Uncouth
poster:uncouth
thread:992971
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20110728/msgs/992971.html